Doug Funny undeservingly put Patty on a pedestal. That’s right, Patty Mayonnaise is arguably the most overrated piece of cartoon ass that I’ve ever seen. Doug was always willing to do anything Patty wanted at the drop of a dime and I never understood why. I know it’s difficult to judge a cartoon by her looks but I can think of a long list of female cartoons that were far more aesthetically pleasing.

TGIF’s 1995 lineup of Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Step By Step & Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper was epic. Never again will a late night schedule be good enough to keep you home on a Friday night. I believe this is why so many of us get drunk on Friday nights — as a coping mechanism to block out memories of the greatness that used to be Friday evenings.

Remember that amazing Ninja Turtles ice cream bar with the bubble gum eyes? Well, you’ll never taste this deliciousness again. Why? Because the little fatties in the new generation don’t go outdoors and play, they sit inside on their Xbox 360s and PS3s rendering the ice cream man useless. If anyone knows of a way to get these Ninja Turtles bars other than an ice cream man, do share that information with the public.

Angelica Pickles displayed characteristics of evil and wickedness during every episode of Rugrats. I’ve seen similar traits from women like Judge Judy and Nancy Grace. Angelica also had a pushover father and a workaholic mother which are the perfect ingredients for a self destructive young adult. My guess? At 15 she began smoking pot, 16 she’s drinking hard liquor and 17 she’s flashing her peers at house parties. By 18, she’s on the pole, doing something strange for a small piece of change.

┬áThe Pink Ranger was a hottie! Rita Repulsa would throw her big wand and yell, “Make my monster grow!” while the Pink Ranger would wear those jean shorts and “make our monster grow”. She was responsible for many young fella’s very first sexual thoughts. Unfortunately, the Green Ranger was bumping uglies with her. Don’t believe me? Watch the episodes now, you can cut the sexual tension with a knife — or Dragon Sword.


Contrary to popular belief, Boy Meets World is not a documentary and Corey and Topanga’s relationship is a one of a kind connection that real life couples shouldn’t try comparing themselves to. Don’t worry, it’s simply unattainable — that is, unless you have a mentor with the wisdom of Mr. Feeny to assist you through all of life’s difficult times.

Alex Mack was a cutie but she would never last in today’s society. Her powers were nifty; telekinesis, shooting electricity from her fingers and the ability to turn into a puddle. These gifts may have been useful in 1995 but now, the bad guys would wait for her to turn into a puddle, drop a Shamwow on her and it’d be curtains. I’ve seen more recent pictures of her and she’s really hot. I wouldn’t mind seeing the Victoria’s Secret World Of Alex Mack.

The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air is arguably the greatest sitcom ever. Even after they switched from dark skinned Vivian to light skinned Vivian, it kept it’s humor without skipping a beat. Do you miss the Fresh Prince? Well, you shouldn’t because it is on about 17 different channels at any given time daily. This show is one of the few things from the 90’s that’s managed to preserve itself and be loved by everyone, even 15-20 years later. All you need to say is “Now this is a story all about how..” and you can set any gathering into a synchronized rap session.

Kenan and Kel were brilliant together but separated, they are responsible for some awful straight to DVD films. Although Kenan does do SNL, Kel is nowhere to be seen. He is rumored to be addicted to a certain fizzy, bubbly drink and was last seen offering oral sex for 12oz. cans of orange pop. Is it true? Mmmmhmmm.

Well, gang — it’s time to trade in your pogs, Nerf guns, yo-yo’s and carefree living for stress, bills and jobs. Unfortunately, the most awesome part of our lives, childhood, is nothing more than a memory and responsibilities await us. What a sad note to end on, huh? Sadder than Mufasa’s abrupt death in the Lion King.

THE THINGS 90s KIDS REALIZE WEBSITE