Boyfriend: Yo bro, thanks for meeting with me. em>Jumps out of seat and goes in for bro-grab

You: Sure, no problem. em>looking around as you sit Where's Ashley?

Boyfriend: Bro, she's actually visiting her mother.

You: I don't mean to sound rude, but could you stop calling me bro? I literally only know your first name.

Boyfriend: That's a riot, mang! Bro Nameth it is…unless, do you already got a sweet nick?

You: ….This is awkward. em>Reminding yourself the only reason your in this situation is to try and win your ex's affection back. And also satisfying curiosity that her current boyfriend is not a fictitious person on facebook

Boyfriend: RIGHT?! This is so cool. I mean, here we are. My girl thought it would be a EPIC idea for us to get together, and kick it for awhile. Ya know? Shoot the shit.

You: Your girl?

Boyfriend: WELL…haha, YOUR EX, but let's not kid ourselves. She is such a sweet girl. em>whispering Especially down in her SWEET honey pot. licks fingers

You: Wow! So, I'm going to leave now….

Boyfriend: Wait wait wait. Let me buy you a drinkskie. Let's "rake the ice".

You: That's "break the ice" and no.

Boyfriend: Technically we will be raking the ice, with our straws. BRO.

You: That makes even less sense. Also, you strike me as someone who might roofie my "drinkskie".

Boyfriend: No way BROGANS, your missing a key piece of equipment, TITS! em>calling to waitress Hey sugar lips! Lemme get two brewskies. em>holds up three fingers

You: em>thinking to self Jesus….if your there…HELP.

Boyfriend: So what kind of music do you like?

You: Well, ummm, I dunno. Have you heard… em>boyfriend cuts you off

Boyfriend: I heart RAP BRO-BRO. Doesn't really matter what kind it is either as long as it has a bangin' beat. When I'm out on that dance floor, I have to become one with that music. Have you heard that one song by Lil Wayne?

You: There's so few, umm….could you be any more specific?

Boyfriend: Its got that EPIC beat, and he's rapping about bitches.

You: Oh yeah, or how about that other song where he's rapping about money?

Boyfriend: Fa sho BRO, he's fuckin' sick. Lil Wayne, greatest rapper ever. I read that on wikipedia, so you know it's legit.

You: em>exasperated sigh What kind of movies do you like?

Boyfriend: At the moment, Jersey Shore.

You: I said movies. That is neither a type of movie, or an actual movie em>Feeling headache coming on

Boyfriend: Lil Wayne's movie. Get Rich or Die Trying.

You: That was 50 Cent.

Boyfriend: Same person really.

You: Same person lyrically.

Boyfriend: What do you like to do for fun?

You: I have a feeling our opinions of fun are vastly different.

Boyfriend: No way BROSEPH! YOU CAN TELL ME! I bet you like going to strip clubs and regular clubs and the ca-ching-o. Ca-ching-o is really just a fancy way of saying casino. Me and my brothers from 'nother mothers made that one up.

You: Thats original. By chance, does someone paint you onto an easel everyday?

Boyfriend: Right, those slot machines were there the whole time going CHING-CHING-CHING! em>does painfully loud and terrible impression of a slot machine

Waitress: em>Yelling over boyfriend's absurdity OH MY GOD, IS YOUR FRIEND HAVING A SEIZURE?!

Boyfriend: No seafood! He just wants a Heine….maybe a Bud. What kind of beer did you want bro?

You: em>standing up I've come to realize that you really are the better man here. She truly deserves a guy like you. Never let Ashley go. WHATEVER you do, never let her go. em>swiftly run out the door

Boyfriend: em>Yelling to you as you disappear from sight IF YOUR NOT BACK IN FIVE, IM DRINKING YOUR BEER BRO!