Boyfriend: Yo bro, thanks for meeting with me. em>Jumps out of seat and goes in for bro-grab
You: Sure, no problem. em>looking around as you sit Where's Ashley?
Boyfriend: Bro, she's actually visiting her mother.
You: I don't mean to sound rude, but could you stop calling me bro? I literally only know your first name.
Boyfriend: That's a riot, mang! Bro Nameth it is unless, do you already got a sweet nick?
You: .This is awkward. em>Reminding yourself the only reason your in this situation is to try and win your ex's affection back. And also satisfying curiosity that her current boyfriend is not a fictitious person on facebook
Boyfriend: RIGHT?! This is so cool. I mean, here we are. My girl thought it would be a EPIC idea for us to get together, and kick it for awhile. Ya know? Shoot the shit.
You: Your girl?
Boyfriend: WELL haha, YOUR EX, but let's not kid ourselves. She is such a sweet girl. em>whispering Especially down in her SWEET honey pot. licks fingers
You: Wow! So, I'm going to leave now .
Boyfriend: Wait wait wait. Let me buy you a drinkskie. Let's "rake the ice".
You: That's "break the ice" and no.
Boyfriend: Technically we will be raking the ice, with our straws. BRO.
You: That makes even less sense. Also, you strike me as someone who might roofie my "drinkskie".
Boyfriend: No way BROGANS, your missing a key piece of equipment, TITS! em>calling to waitress Hey sugar lips! Lemme get two brewskies. em>holds up three fingers
You: em>thinking to self Jesus .if your there HELP.
Boyfriend: So what kind of music do you like?
You: Well, ummm, I dunno. Have you heard em>boyfriend cuts you off
Boyfriend: I heart RAP BRO-BRO. Doesn't really matter what kind it is either as long as it has a bangin' beat. When I'm out on that dance floor, I have to become one with that music. Have you heard that one song by Lil Wayne?
You: There's so few, umm .could you be any more specific?
Boyfriend: Its got that EPIC beat, and he's rapping about bitches.
You: Oh yeah, or how about that other song where he's rapping about money?
Boyfriend: Fa sho BRO, he's fuckin' sick. Lil Wayne, greatest rapper ever. I read that on wikipedia, so you know it's legit.
You: em>exasperated sigh What kind of movies do you like?
Boyfriend: At the moment, Jersey Shore.
You: I said movies. That is neither a type of movie, or an actual movie em>Feeling headache coming on
Boyfriend: Lil Wayne's movie. Get Rich or Die Trying.
You: That was 50 Cent.
Boyfriend: Same person really.
You: Same person lyrically.
Boyfriend: What do you like to do for fun?
You: I have a feeling our opinions of fun are vastly different.
Boyfriend: No way BROSEPH! YOU CAN TELL ME! I bet you like going to strip clubs and regular clubs and the ca-ching-o. Ca-ching-o is really just a fancy way of saying casino. Me and my brothers from 'nother mothers made that one up.
You: Thats original. By chance, does someone paint you onto an easel everyday?
Boyfriend: Right, those slot machines were there the whole time going CHING-CHING-CHING! em>does painfully loud and terrible impression of a slot machine
Waitress: em>Yelling over boyfriend's absurdity OH MY GOD, IS YOUR FRIEND HAVING A SEIZURE?!
Boyfriend: No seafood! He just wants a Heine .maybe a Bud. What kind of beer did you want bro?
You: em>standing up I've come to realize that you really are the better man here. She truly deserves a guy like you. Never let Ashley go. WHATEVER you do, never let her go. em>swiftly run out the door
Boyfriend: em>Yelling to you as you disappear from sight IF YOUR NOT BACK IN FIVE, IM DRINKING YOUR BEER BRO!