It’s a special morning where you have the rare ability to sleep in and you’re ecstatic.  It’s a day you can’t wait to enjoy as you get to lay cozy in your bed until you feel it is best to get up. OH SHIT! INSTEAD YOU GET TO BE RUDELY WOKEN UP BY ONE OF THE FOLLOWING

6 Really annoying ways to get woken up:

  1. Roommate: “The Roommate Who Plays Their Alarm on Repeat”— Yup, you have a roommate, and  no, they don’t have to sharing a room with you to bother you with this one.  It’ll be peacefully quiet on your morning off as you’re in a deep sleep, and then BEEPBEEPBEEEEEEEEEEP!!! You hear your roommates alarm down the hall going crazy for 2 minutes. Then finally it stops.  YOU’RE WRONG MOTHERFUCKER!! It’s going to keep going off in 3 minute and 8 second intervals for entire 45 minutes until they finally get up.
  2. Live with Parents: “The Mom That Meant Well”—You’re in high school, home for break, or have a day off from work at the comic book store and are just trying to relax and sleep off your high from the night before.  Nah, your mom comes in knocking and waking you up to tell you you’re late for class/work/some promise you made about cleaning out the gutter.
  3. Living Alone:  “The Torture Bird”—Oh it’s such a beautiful morning. It’s so damn gorgeous that the fleet of songbirds outside just have to let your know as they sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, and sing their little hearts to you and everyone else that can hear them.  Oh yes, they’ll taunt you with their love calls.  They are up looking for loving, and they want you to know that.  Especially the one immediately outside your window.  Where’s that old BB gun?
  4. Anywhere: “Construction Nightmares”— There you are having a beautiful dream and all of sudden, BA-FUUUT BA-FUUUT*. It’s the nail-gun that goes on forever as if it was fastening a narwhal whale to a wall. You roll around in bed, and then start to hear the hammer from hell repeatedly smash in all hopes of sleeping in any longer.  You get up, and look outside to view an industrial sized dog-house being built down the street by 15 men who seem to whacking at things haphazardly.  Then you look down the other side of the street, and see what appears to be a man with a jackhammer just digging a hole in the street for no apparent reason.  He’ll continue to do this for 9 more mornings in a row too, and whatever the hell he was doing could probably of been done that day.  He just wants to stick around and ruin your sleeping pattern.
  5. Living in the Dorms: “Please Make it Stop”— So you’re laying in bed after a night of doing whatever it is you that you did, and you’re beat as hell.  You crash so quick the dreaming comes very  instantaneously and heavily.  You start dreaming about getting with someone as you imagine a little sex-talk, and bed squeaking.  You’re enjoying your dream, until you realize that you’re looking at a clock that says 5:36 AM. Oh my God. You’re awake.  You slowly roll your head towards your room mates bed, and sure as hell there they’re going at with some hook up after a drunken night out.  You hear every little word and noise, and it kills your soul little by little with every passing grunt.  You move loudly and cough, but they don’t cease.  Instead you lay there facing the wall wishing for it to stop.  When they finally finish you pop out of bed to go take a half hour shower to get all the dirt off of you.
  6. On Your Own After College: “The Coup de Grace”— You’re laying on the floor in a room covered in sleeping bags and you hear a loud knocking.  You ignore it, but it continues to grow heavier.  You move around, displacing empty beer bottles around you, and then to hear a “OPEN UP!”. All of a sudden there’s this loud crack, and the door comes thundering down. Next thing you know you have a S.W.A.T team pointing 5 assault rifles at your head screaming at you to get down on the ground with your hands behind your head, even though you’re already there.  You don’t know what to do so you hesitate, because of this you get tased.  As you’re laying lifelessly you hear someone shout. “WRONG HOUSETHAT ISN’T THE CRACK DEALER OR THE SERIAL RAPIST!”.  There’s a clambering of feet out the door as you are left laying there motionless covered in your own urine. You begin to cry at the realization your poverty stricken residence was mistaken for a crack den, and the travesty that just unfolded around you. It’s a Saturday morning so you go watch some cartoons to cheer up, and have a bowl of Frosted Flakes.