For most people that go to college, money is scarce. Everyone has heard the stories of starving college students saving up their money just to buy ramen noodles or a loaf of bread.  Take it from someone that was poor throughout the entirety of my six and a half year college career; just because you're poor doesn't mean you have to live poor. If you follow these four easy steps, you too can live well and never have to pay for anything in college. 

  1. Take out as many student loans as possible: I cannot stress this enough. Take out as much money as they will give you. Why not? It’s free. If you don’t follow this step you will have to get a job, and no one wants that. The only downside of student loans is that for the first couple of years of college they don’t give you very much money (and that you have to pay it back after you graduate, but who can think that far ahead). Until your student loans increase, I suggest to supplement that income with a credit card.
  2. Get shit for free: Go to the student affairs office (or your school’s equivalent)  and ask for a schedule of all the events, speeches and meetings. Go through the list and find all events that have speakers from out of town, all club meetings, and any event that the Dean will be attending. I guarantee that everyone of those events will have cheese, cookies, finger sandwiches and maybe even pizza. Don’t forget you MP3 player though, because those speeches are boring as shit! Enjoy and remember to always wear pants or shorts with cargo pockets so you have places to shove free food. 
  3. Work: Calm down, I’m not talking about a job.  The work I’m talking about usually involves the use of your body for the exchange of goods.  This could be sex with a guy if you are either a chick or if you're a guy and willing to bone a dude. Remember, the only people willing to pay for sex is men. You could whackoff into a cup and sell you semen (god knows you get enough practice), but that market was saturated (pun intended) in the late 80’s.  There are buildings full of millions of containers of jizz. Most sperm banks are no longer willing to pay for your spluge, believe me I’ve tried them all.  Medical experiments and selling organs are also good options, but those are hard to find. Your best bet is probably selling plasma. This may be less fun than selling your load to old married couples, but it pays well, and if you go out drinking after you're done, you will spend less of your hard earned money because you can get drunk faster.
  4. Be crafty: College is filled with opportunities for free stuff, but I can’t layout every scenario for you. You’re smart, you’re in college, use your brain! If you are near the cafeteria and the fire alarm goes off, wait around and when everyone goes back in, walk in like you own the place. If you are walking and someone is giving out something for free, take one, circle the building and take another one. You can usually do this five or six times before they recognize you. And it doesn’t matter what it is, take it. You never know when you will need it.

If you follow these rules you will never pay for anything in college and you will never have to get a job. You’re welcome.