The Townie-  This individual is generally one of the dumbest, yet most vocal people on Facebook.  They tried community college, but figured they'd get more life experience working at their dad's bagel store…you know, in the real world.  They only love blue collar jobs, and will often put up status's about America.  That being said, they are inherently racist, and usually say things like "Love it or leave it (racial slur here)", or, "I can't believe my tax dollaz is being spent so these (people of a different color, race, or creed than them) can live in my town."  They often marry young, bitch about their spouse, have children, and bitch about them as well.  Usually the complaining will have to do with not having dinner ready on time, or that a certain someone got drunk for the fourth day in a row instead of building their baby's crib   When angst has subsided, they announce their love for their ball and chain or child in every status.  Finally they like to pluralize words at unncessary times.  "You's guys know what I'm sayin'?"

 

The person who was a giant anti-authority maniac in High School, but found God and is now a staunch Conservative-  This is another special individual you will find on Facebook.  He or she is usually supported by the townie, and although they claim to love politics, they have no grasp on any issues, and have serious trouble with grammar, which will surely hinder their bid for town mayor in 2035.  This is the 21-24 year old that likes to rant about kids these days, and how we need to get back to the times when hard work (slavery) was the American way.  Oh, and yeah, you remembered right, the last time you saw this kid was high school when he was drinking a 40, smoking a blunt, and giving the finger to a cop.

 

The person who talks to lifeless things, like days of the week, or classes in school- 

 

Dear Math,

Please stop failing me.  Thank you.

Love,

Dave

 

These people are unbelievable.  I don't know if it's supposed to be cute or endearing, but I do know one thing, it sucks.  Sometimes I think about how great it would be to make a Facebook for days of the week, or classes, so these people could receive answers from the defensless pieces of our civilization that they crap on or make annoying.  It'd go like this.

 

Dear Friday,

Please come soon, I need you!

Love,

Stephanie

….

Dear Stephanie,

Calm your ass down it's only tuesday.  You're annoying the shit out of people with your formal letters to me.

Seriously Calm Down,

Friday

 

The person who only puts up statuses about drinking or working out-

"At the gym getting ripped.  Get ready to fall in love ladies"

 

"I probably did like 90 shots in this picture alone bro"

"If my arms wuz any bigga, I'd have to regista dem with the dapartment of moter vehicles LOL"

 

"Blacking out tonight, watch the fuck out, yo"

 

And, of course,

The chain status person- <3  People with brown hair are known to have more fun, be more compassionate, and they're also the reason that the union won the civil war, shaping what we now know as present day America.  A woman with brown hair invented guacamole.  In 1984, a man with brown hair stopped a bus with his hair and his will power, the will power he was born with, due to his brown hair.  People with brown hair have cured lyme disease, strep, and almost diabetes.  If you'll notice, most depictions of Jesus portray him as a man with brown hair.  Repost this for all the people in the world you know with brown hair because they're heroes, and matter a lot more than you<3