It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!One of my roommates is really ugly and I just can't get along with ugly people. My other roommate and I sort of kicked her out when we didn't tell her that we resigned our leases. As it as too late for her to resign hers, she tried to find someone else to live with her but no one would because she's ugly. Anyways, she went home for the summer so now we use her room as the dog room because we figured that one bitch left so why not let two bitches use the room.
G.C. from University of South Carolina
Muggs V. from Cal Poly
I duct taped everything loose that you owned to the ceiling. I'm sorry, I was just bored and I saw the stash of rolls of duct tape you try to hide... You know I like it. Anyway, have fun getting your pens, assignments, clipboards, shampoo, and everything else that is required for daily living down from the ceiling. I just wanted something to do. Hide the duct tape better next time.
Joshua L. from University of Texas (Austin)
I didn't have the most control over the fact that you're kind of a home schooled bitch whose mom never taught you to clean up after yourself. I was also very patient when you decided not to clean ANYTHING you used unless three types of bacteria had grown on it. So, when you decided to go home for a few days, I was thrilled. But when you left your pile of rotting bananas on the counter before leaving, and left me to discover them 2 weeks later so that they could slip out of their skins in a nasty-ass pile as I attempted to move them to the trash, I decided to take matters into my own hands. So I corralled the puddle of fermented banana juice that collected on your cutting board and mixed it in your jar of salsa that you'd no doubt eat when you returned. Not everyone's perfect, honey.
So you were an asshole of a roommate, never cleaning the dishes you made and smelling like shit even after you showered, which was few and far between. So when you decided to use my shampoo and conditioner, i decided to get new stuff and put bleach in the old stuff. Enjoy that, along with the piss I put in your macaroni crap you make.
Adolf A. from BIOLA University
I'm an engineering major living with two history majors. They mostly take uber easy history courses that have one or two papers and no final. However a few times this year they've needed to use a calculator for class so they asked to borrow mine. One time when I turned my calculator on after my roommate had used it I saw he had been doing double digit addition and subtraction (ie 41-25=16, 49-44=5, etc) So I decided to have a little fun with them once they actually started having legitimate math problems (still like 10th grade stuff but requiring sin and cos). I changed a few settings and they have no clue what the difference between radians and degrees is, or that every time they type in an equation it is being graphed in polar coordinates. Man have they had some interesting answers. And some poor grades on assignments. Take some real classes fools.
My roommate was a piece of work. One day, she came in frustrated that she couldn't understand what a 'Political Song' was. She finally decided to ask me 'The Artsy Major' what it meant. After I explained, she sat around for a while, sighing. She turned to me and asked 'Is Jesus take the Wheel a political song... because it talks about Jesus?' I said "No, try something like 'We didn't Start the Fire', look it up." She did... watched it over and over again. Finally, she pulled out her headphones and said... "This isn't Political at all." Amazed at her stupidity, I added "Uh.. the berlin wall?" Her response? "What is so important about a wall in China?" Bonus points to her for being an Elementary Education Major.
Alright, so I had this roommate recently who was really an ok guy. He didn't steal things, he paid for what he should pay for, did his share of chores, etc. The only problem was his yawning. I know it sounds weird but it was pretty disgusting. His lips would curl back showing all of his teeth to the gums, and his tongue would stick out making him look like a creature form a cheap horror movie. We tried to get him to stop doing it in front of us but he just laughed and said, "it can't be that bad." So one morning he woke up duct-taped to a chair with a video of his yawn playing on a loop. All we wanted was to convince him that it was, indeed, "that bad." We didn't expect him to throw up after 5 minutes. And we certainly didn't expect him to do it twice more at 3 minute intervals after that. Anyway, he at least tries to look away when he yawns now, so in case you're reading this, thanks Justin!
I had the worst roommate last year, she was lazy, refused to do dishes and never paid her share of the rent on time, so I got justice in a few ways, first I hid her dirty dishes between her dresser and the wall (stinky things that had begun to mold...), then through strategically placed pin holes i popped her air mattress ( she insisted on deflating it every morning and inflating it every night with the loudest machine ever) I then super glued the bowl to her "water-pipe" to the body of the rest so she could no longer use her one and only piece, and, my favorite, I took the pictures of her sleeping with many sex buddies that she had on her computer and phone and sent it to her mother, her father, her grandmother, her boss, and her very wealthy and handsome boyfriend. And kicked her out when she could no longer pay rent.....
Dad, your snoring keeps me awake to the point where I can no longer function when i wake in a morning. Unfortunately, this can lead to such activities as accidentally using your toothbrush to scratch my butt-crack, which has sadly led to your sore throat and subsequent coughing every night. But that coughing keeps me awake at night, so I decided to use your work laptop for my own porn-related browsing. Hope the bill keeps you awake as much as your snoring kept me. (Oh, and I know you'll read this because I've seen you standing over my shoulder when I read them myself.)
Chris Davy from England