Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions here.

I work in support at a local Internet Provider/Computer Service shop. An old couple came in and visited, and said that a coworker was fixing their dial-up over the phone and the monitor stopped working. They thought the two issues were related, so I explained to them that, "it's like if you are cutting your fingernail and your leg falls off." She gave me a disgusted look, and I didn't really know why… until she walked away with a prosthetic leg.
-Ian R.

My summer job is changing electrical meters. This involves shutting off the power at each house for about 5 seconds. Most people are incredibly sour about this. So, the other day I told a woman what was happening and she said "ok just give me a minute, I just want to shut off my computer." 15 minutes later she comes out with a grilled cheese sandwich in her hand and said "go ahead."
-City Worker

As a Mental Health Counselor on a locked inpatient behavioral health unit, I had to do "checks" on patients every 15 minutes. An old, wrinkly, little Asian man with paranoid schizophrenia made sure to be completely undressed & masturbate in my direction every time I checked in on him for almost 2 HOURS, moaning in Vietnamese. He then followed me out into the hallway, still naked, & wiped his hands ON a little old lady with Alzheimer's. I can't even make this shit up.
-Grayce I.

I worked in a fast food restaurant when I was 16. We hired this new girl, and I was the one training her. So, I'm taking her around and we get to the fry station. We stayed there for about 15 minutes so she could figure out how many fries to put in the basket, which button to hit, etc. Just as we're about to walk away, she points to some charred fries that are floating on top of the fry grease, looks at me and asks "how do we get those out?" Now, obviously, there's a steel net we use to grab them. However, I JOKINGLY said "we just grab them with our hands."
AND THIS BITCH REACHES HER HAND TOWARDS THE FRY GREASE TO GRAB THEM? Literally a quarter inch away from this scalding hot grease I grab her hand and tell her to "never touch the fry grease, because it's hot and WILL BURN THE FUCKING SKIN OFF YOUR BONES!!!" I should have just let her do it. That's a mistake she only would have made the one time.
-Jacob K.

I work Customer Service for a very well known acne treatment company. Every single day I listen to customers talk about the white shit oozing out of their face. Well we have a couple of regular callers, including the infamous "belly button guy"… it's even worse than it sounds. Anyways, this woman calls claiming the product is not working. I put on the act where people think I care, and ask the question, "Well how often are you using the product?" She decides to let me know she put the three-step system on twice a day, everyday on to her… vagina. I informed her that's probably not acne— and she should see a doctor about it.
-Reba G.

I work as a substitute teacher on college breaks, and last week a little boy informed me that he was going to have a brother/sister. When I asked him if his mom was having a baby he responded, "Yeah but they have to do some tests to find out if it's my dad's or my mom's boyfriend's." Kids say the darndest things, right?
-Emalee F.

I work for a large electronics store in Canada in Customer Service. One afternoon a 50 some year old asian man came up to my desk to return his $1,000 video camera because the transfer cables didn't work. I informed him that I had to test it out before I could return it and he warned me to not look at any of the video or pictures because they were "private" between him and his wife. So we tested the cable and it was not working so we gave him a new one. He came back into the store about 30 minutes later to return the video camera because it was too complicated. I first asked if he had deleted all the videos and pictures from the camera, which he claimed he did. After I did the return for him I had to make sure that the hard drive was wiped completely… welllll he did delete all the video, but there were about 60 pictures that he had of himself and his wife completely naked, in various poses, doing stuff to each other that I had to go through and delete. The images are still burned into my mind today.
-Anon A.

I worked as a pizza delivery driver for a few years before going to college. One day I get a standard delivery order (or so I thought) and head out the door. When I arrive at the customer's house, who is an elderly man standing in the doorway in nothing but his underwear, he quickly opens the door to reveal his pet Mastiff. He starts yelling "Sic' em" and this huge dog starts sprinting towards me. I was so terrified I couldn't move. The dog is barking and snarling, but when it finally gets to me it licks my leg and has a complete 180 degree personality change. The old man starts laughing and says "I'm sorry buddy, I had to do that to you!" He didn't tip me.
-Matt M.



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