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When I was in college one of my roommate's friends would always crash on our couch early. He wasn't a bad guy but he did have some wicked B.O. and we were asses who like to pick on him. One time I had bought a used movie from Blockbuster which still had the security sticker on the case. We carefully peeled the sticker off as not to break the contacts and stuck it to the card he would use the least in his wallet (a library card from his hometown). A week later he stopped by after shopping at a mall freaking out about how he would set off the security alarms everywhere he went. There was no way for any of us to not burst out laughing.

R.M.

I want to say congrats for graduating guys. I'm sorry for the mini-boulders in the driveway the night before your graduation. I'm sorry for upper-decking your toilet. I'm sorry my roommates and I stole your food every weekend for 6 months. I'm sorry that we stole the railings off of your front porch. I'm sorry for stacking all of your living room furniture in your hallway so none of you could get to your rooms. I'm sorry for meat spinning your computers multiple times. No I'm not. And to remain friends through all of this. What a beautiful thing.
D.Z.

Hey Fugly, yeah I mean the d-bag wigger that used to walk around like you were the man and talk crap to everyone our floor? You were one of the ugliest people I've ever seen in my life. I'm sure the ladies loved your pasty/acne infested skin, and your horrible Bowl cut, (who the hell over 14 still gets a bowl cut?) the one you used to cut yourself and botch EVERYTIME with chunks of your hair missing on the sides. Well those posters that were put around campus with your picture from facebook that said "Have you seen Fugly Jay?" Yeah, we did those, and we were also the guys that mixed the clear jello in your toilet, I hope you had fun cleaning your poop and jello out of your toilet.
Anonymous from UCA

You c*ck blocked me countless times while I was single. You c*ck blocked everyone every party. I tried talking to you nicely on what a c*ck block is but you got mad and ran away. Well I saw your application for Greek Coordinator on your desk one day. I don't think your going to get the job with one of your "activities" being porn. Maybe if you were a team player it could have been avoided.
C Allower from UMD

I thought you used my razor to shave your pubes. Turns out it was your sideburns… but still gross. I guess pissing on your loofa every time I took a shower for 5 months was taking it a bit too far, but whatever you made me watch BET.
Anonymous from CSU

My freshman year roommate and I didn't get along, he always fell asleep really early and it was rarely in his bed (usually on the floor). One night I was listening to my iPod before falling asleep when I heard weird noises that at first I thought were part of my music. I disregarded it and went on listening. The noises then came again and this time I shut off my iPod and listened. Thinking it was a neighbor or something I laid awake for the noises again. Finally they came again and I looked down from my bed, (it was a bunk bed and I got the top bunk) and I see my roommate in the middle of what I'm pretty sure was a fucked up dream. He was slapping his ass over and over with authority. This kid was a voice major and was someone who most likely will come out of the closet in a few years. After seeing this extremely flamboyant guy slapping his ass, I was a little uncomfortable at times to change/sleep. I promised not to say anything, but I lied. He moved out later in the year.
B.E. from Butler University

My freshman year I was assigned to an off campus apartment designated for college housing, called The Regent. One roommate was so homesick, we never saw her, she was always on her computer. The second roommate, that I shared a room with, brought random guys home on the weekends who then would watch me dress in the morning. The third roommate was the one who was a piece of work. She was OCD and left post-it notes all over the apartment about 'what a mess it was' even though we had a maid that came every week. My favorite was how it was disgusting to leave water on the counter after you used the sink. Water. On the Counter. Yep. So one night, after she had really loud sex with her boyfriend and then a big fight to end the night at 4am before my final in the morning at 7am, I decided to pee in her toothpaste, her shampoo, her conditioner and lotion. Hope it was extra moisturizing, bitch! I kept peeing all semester!
Kati W. from Edgewood College

My freshman year I had a good roommate. We got along well, shared beers, all was good… except he was a ginger. For the first couple months I was deathly afraid to piss him off, lest he turn his ginger magic on me. The only sure-fire way to render a ginger's dark magic useless is to defile his layer/bed, so I kept my eyes open for an opportunity. One weekend when he was visiting home, I got a bit too drunk and went to bed kind of early. My friend knocks on my door, asking if he could use the room to bone this fat chick he had with him. Thinking quickly, I politely offered him my roommate's bed, just telling him to keep the noise down. 20 minutes later they leave, and I pass out into a dreamless bliss. The next morning I tidied up his bed so it looked like nothing happened, and sincerely enjoyed my day, knowing my roommate's ginger magic was now useless against me. Sorry man, you were totally a good roommate, but you have to do what you have to do.
Annonymous from Holy Cross



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