Note: This is a post from my website- I'm trying to spread the word and get these posts out on the internet. Please help! …

The other day I was watching Man vs. Wild, because it’s way better than that other shitty show where a homeless guy camps out in the swamp and waits to get fondled by bears. If I hear one more of you twat stains bitch about how Bear Grylls has help from his crew and how Survivor Man is really alone I’m going to use your face as a jizz rag. Survivor Man doesn’t do shit. He sits in a cave and pisses and moans about how he misses his family and he’s cold and it’s raining and go fuck yourself. Grow a pair. If he was a real man, he’d slice open a yak and make love to its liver like Bear Grylls does on a daily basis. You can always count on Bear to repel down an icy cliff using a Snickers bar and pubes, or to break his own arm off and eat it just to prove he’s manlier than shit. 

Anyway, you can’t imagine the unquenchable wood I sprouted when this shit went down, no homo. (For the record, I hate the phrase “no homo” but it’s the only thing that will clear me of the extreme gayness in that last comment.) When a man is willing to shove a hose in his ass on tv… and for lots of money… you just can’t compete with that.

But I’m going to try anyway. I’m issuing a man-challenge to Bear Grylls: the first ever Rusty Nailgun/Bear Grylls Man-Challenge. This will be an event for the ages. I can only imagine a challenge of this magnitude will attract the godfather himself, Chuck Norris, and maybe Dwayne “The Rock”Johnson in his classic WWF speedo to referee this competition. I also hope to have the Marines there running security and murdering anyone who’s not cheering for me.

If Bear is man enough to take on the challenge, I’m proposing 10 rounds of manly throw-down with the purpose of one-upping each other until someone dies of dysentery. I don’t see how this could go wrong considering the desired outcome is death. So if you’re reading this, Bear, accept my challenge, or forever be the guy who is kind of really manly but not quite manly enough to accept a man-challenge. And the rest of you taint lickers keep a look out for updates on the man-challenge.