Line: It's not you, it's me.

Translation: By "It's me," I mean "I'm not that desperate."

 

Line: I'm not really looking for a relationship right now.

Translation: I'm free for casual, anonymous sex with people much better looking than you.

 

Line: I'm kinda seeing someone right now.

Translation: I don't have a boyfriend, but I already have enough creepy guys I'm not interested in hanging around. If I need a free meal, I'll just use one of them.

 

Line: I just went through a bad breakup.

Translation: Do you have any good looking friends I can rebound with?

Alternative Translation: I'm only looking to hook up with people exactly like my ex.

 

Line: We just don't have much in common.

Translation: I enjoy being taken out for a nice evening, and you have a cash flow problem.

 

Line: I'm only in to girls.

Translation: Or guys.  Basically, anyone more masculine than you.

 

Line: We're too much alike.

Translation: We both want to spend your paycheck.

 

Line: I don't want to spoil our friendship.

Translation: I'm just not in to mediocre sex with a guy who's going to become obsessive and clingy.

 

Line: You're not like other guys.

Translation: I'd put out for other guys.

 

Line: You just blew your chance.

Translation: I wasn't going to sleep with you anyways, but decided to make you feel worse by pretending you screwed up an actual opportunity.

 

Line: I'm not going to have sex with you tonight.

Translation: If you play it cool, we're totally going to have sex tonight.

 

Line: We don't need a condom.

Translation: There's nothing you can give me I don't already have.

 

Line: I'm on the pill.

Translation: I regularly forget to take it, and am unaware that antibiotics render birth control ineffective.

 

Line: I can't believe I cheated on my boyfriend.

Translation: Again.

 

Line: I'm pregnant.

Translation: You make more money than the real father.