5. KIM KARDASHIAN

She would certainly add some spice to NBC's lineup. Kim already has real-life experience being in charge of a useless and failing company, but from her track record with her store Dash, would it mean that Kim would never be around the office? Does that question alone make me glaringly guilty of watching too much of that stupid show on E? We would probably have to endure cameos from her family. I don't know about you, but I'd watch Dwight duel her delinquent brother-in-law Scott any day. Then again, "that's what she said" jokes should never sound sexy and I don't need to see her ass in a pantsuit.

 

4. JUSTIN BIEBER

While I must be immune, America has Bieber Fever – and can't you just picture that prepubescent little chipmunk in a suit and tie? It's precious. I can imagine a photo shoot with Angela to go along with her "baby playing a saxophone" poster at her desk. The little guy probably wouldn't get half the jokes he was saying, but then again…did Michael? I'm sure their IQs are similar. However, Bieber's talking head interviews would be twice as long to account for so much hair flipping and touching.

 

3. THE TODAY SHOW CAST

They're not doing anything but drinking after 11am anyway. Actually, I take that back. They're not doing anything but drinking, all the time. Perhaps Matt and Al can primarily tag-team the role to keep the audience more interested in The Office's shark-jumped stories and insignificant subplots. Ann Curry can step in any time the boss has something depressing to say. Al Roker would do a great job of making everyone feel uncomfortable – the skinnier he gets, the more terrifying he looks. And you know Pam would have a thing for Matt Lauer Michael.

 

2. BETTY WHITE

Why not? She's everywhere. I am the biggest Betty White fan ever (you don't have her autographed picture, do you? Oh, that's right, I DO, bitches). But seriously…seriously…if The Office outlives Betty White, there's a real problem. Put her on the show to ride out the rest of the series! Even if Michael's vaguely racist and generally inappropriate dialogue doesn't change, it will completely sweeten the show, because we totally expect old ladies to act that way. Bring back Jan and see what happens – I'm just sayin', that could be interesting to watch. And there would be room for guest appearances from the rest of the Golden Girls…wait. No. Moment of silence.

 

1. TONY HAYWARD

He might be out of a job soon anyway. He's literally perfect – usually wrong, rude, makes mistakes and pretends to care about the "little people." Oh, and also? He's British, so that's one step closer to getting back to the "better" version of the show. Maybe Tony Hayward and Michael Scott are already one and the same. Think about it. No really. Think about it.