Poster: Hey, HEY! Ouch! What do you think you’re doing?
You: em>sigh Listen, poster, I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to take you down.
Poster: Take me down? What the hell do you mean, “take me down?” Do you not like Weezer anymore?
You: No! Well, kind of, but that’s not the point. Look, it’s nothing personal. I’m just a few years out of college now, so I think I’ve gotten a little too old for posters. It’s about time I did some growing up, you know?
Poster: Oh, growing up, right. This from the guy who still watches “Animaniacs” three nights a week.
You: Hey, that show contains plenty of references meant for an adult audience! Look, I understand why you’re angry about this, but my mind is made up.
Poster: So that’s it, huh? The time I covered up the hole you punched after losing beer pong so you could still pass room inspection? The entire year I spent hiding that disgusting stain of fused Chef Boyardee and Silly Putty from your girlfriend? I still have flashbacks about that, by the way! But I guess Mr. Maturity here doesn’t care about those things anymore. Well, get ready to have some paint torn off of this wall because I am not going down without a fight!
Painting: Let him tear zee paint down, mon amour. I will cover it up with zee greatest of ease.
Poster: And just who the hell is this?
Painting: My name is L’Atelier Rouge. I am a magnificent work by zee great Henri Matisse. But I would not expect a simple unframed poster of a middling American alternative rock band to know who zat is.
Poster: You’re trying to grow up by replacing me with him? Are you kidding? You dropped art history after one class because you said it was “too gay!” Hell, you have seven Toby Keith albums!
Painting: Sacréblue! Is zis true?
You: No! Well, kind of. One is just a single.
Painting: But I heard you tell zee sales clerk you had a passionate love for French art and culture! How can you reconcile such passions with zee inane rhymes of a boorish country singer?
Poster: Don’t forget, he also said art was gay.
Painting: Zat is not as important.
Poster: Ok, well let me see if I can help you out. I’m guessing this sales clerk was a 5’4” 120-pound brunette with green eyes and a low-cut shirt whose number he got after making up a story involving backpacking through Europe and kittens.
Painting: …correct. How did you do zat?
Poster: You get to know a guy’s tastes pretty well after spending four years in his dorm room watching him download porn. Look, he’s just using you to try and get laid. The only thing he cares about that’s French comes with a side of ketchup, and he didn’t even stop calling those “Freedom Fries” until 2005.
Painting: Well, I shall never disgrace my country by allowing myself to be placed upon zee wall of such a hypocrite! Au revoir, monsieur!
(L’Atelier Rouge storms out, putting an end to the hurtful stereotype that paintings can’t walk)
Poster: Ha! Looks like you’re stuck with me.
You: Alright, alright, fine. But I’m still taking down “Change we can believe in.”
Poster: Finally. That one’s embarrassingly dated.