It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
I lived in the dorms my freshman year of college. A bunch of the guys started a prank war during the middle of the semester and my roommate and I wanted no part of it, until someone got into our room and basically wrecked it by throwing our clothes everywhere and turning our beds over. Earlier that year, I had climbed into the attic. The only things up there were a couple of dead bird skeletons and some bird eggs that had never hatched. I never found out who wrecked our room, but I took the bird skeletons and eggs down and cooked them in the microwave of each room that I felt could be responsible (like 5 or 6 rooms). The prank war ended that day.
Will W. from Auburn
My roommate never really did anything to piss me off but I'm kind of an asshole, and an asshole that likes to play pranks. One day I decided that I would scare him terribly while he is sleeping. I downloaded an audio file of dogs barking and blasted through my speakers to give the effect that there were dogs in the main room. I then had my female neighbor scream at the top of her lungs and I threw a chair against the wall to add the effect of a break in. I then kicked in the door and put a paintball gun in his face while wearing a ski mask. He yelped and almost cried. The worst part is I videotaped the entire thing and uploaded it to facebook/youtube. It got so popular around campus that girls would approach him as "the kid that almost cried."
Chris P. from Delaware
The dryer in our building was broken and my room mate and I had piles of dirty clothes. One day we decided to wash them and let them "air dry". My roommate thought that air drying meant placing all the wet clothes on my bed (the bottom bunk). I ended up sleeping on the floor since soggy blankets and pillows are uncomfortable. The next day while he was out I removed his mattress and gave it the illusion that a mattress still existed. Well, that night my roommate came home tired as hell and leaped onto his bed only to fall through to my bed which was covered in cold, soaking wet towels. Surprise!
Evan G. from ASU
My roommate is a complete slob, like most of the victims in these confessions, but to get a complete visual, imagine Cartman in South Park's "Make Love, Not Warcraft" episode. The kid eats no less than 6 Hot Pockets a day and has been known to eat an entire loaf of bread in 30 minutes (but it's OK because it's whole-grain which is "healthier"). Anyway, as you can imagine he eats all his food then scavenges the rest of the week. Well of course, the rest of us got pissed and decided to swap out some of the food. We filled the milk jugs with
a 25/75 hand lotion and water mix, replaced the mayo with horseradish, injected soy sauce into his hot pockets, and mixed in cat food with all the cereal. If anyone has any more food swap ideas, we are open for suggestion! The rest of us have all bought mini fridges to avoid contamination, by the way.
Kaivon B from University of Tennessee
My first year of college I had a completely crazy roommate. She trailed me all over, was loud whenever I was on the phone, couldn't chew with her mouth closed to save her life, let her used period pads ferment in the summer heat and would always be naked when I came back from class. So, I played the normal roommate for the entire two weeks and got the entire dorm thinking she was completely psycho so that no one would associate with her. She got kicked off campus a month later. Psychological warfare is sweet indeed.
My roommate is pre-med so he works from 12-8. Yesterday he decided it would be funny to wake me up by farting in my face, but ended up taking a shit directly onto my nose. I just took a shit on his bed and I am waiting for him to roll into it.
John F. from Fordham
So, my roommate was actually a really solid dude as long as he was sober, which typically meant he was a crossfaded douchebag from Tuesday night 'til Monday morning. Usually I tried to ignore it, but the last straw came when I was trying to finish my Calculus final on a Friday night. He stumbled in, smashed beyond belief, with his fuck buddy in tow and proceed to turn on a movie full blast and start fondling her. When I asked him to turn it down and knock it off, he then demanded that I take my final elsewhere so they "could get some sleep," and then when right back to sucking face. Anyhoo, the next day I basically let out a year's worth of pent-up revenge fantasies I Nair'd his shampoo, pissed in his nasty cologne, and had some fun with his computer. Hardly creative, I know, but there is literally nothing more satisfying than watching a douche spray himself with rancid pee when he's trying to get lucky. If you're reading this, dude I'm (not really) sorry, but you deserved it.
Andy D. from University of San Francisco
To test how big of a slob my roommate was, me and another friend placed an open can of tuna under neath a shelf where he couldn't see with out pulling the whole thing out. Well we'd fig he'd find it within the next week or so but weeks went on, and he hadn't said a word about it. It had been a month now when he asked me to get something out of his room so I go to also check on the can. I walk into his room and almost throw up from just the hint of the smell. I look to see where the can was and instead of rotting tuna I find a dead rat. So to my roommate I ask how the hell do live in there?
My roommate was a complete dick. He ate all my food had a bunch of people over while I was sick and trying to sleep he even let his friends come over and sleep in my bed when I was visiting home. The only thing he kept around was bread and peanut butter so one day I took a piss into his jar of peanut butter and let that bad boy simmer for a few days best part is I got to watch him eat peanut butter sandwiches for two weeks till the whole jar was gone.
Well my roommate met this girl and started living with her, so I just made one big bed without telling him. He never came around the room so it never bothered him. One night I got super plastered after a foam dance party and came back to the room to smash this girl. Well after going at it for a little while and not having anything to go in, I ended up missing and nailing his down comforter that he loved. I left the room that night shortly after because he wanted to take his girl in there (not knowing there was some jizz all over his half bed). Well the next day he came up to me and explained that he couldn't smash her because after they got into the bed, her hair got so matted up from the "toothpaste" I must have left in the bed
poor bastard. Still doesn't know the truth