Oh yes! It's back to school time. You know what this means right! Of course you do. Doing last minute summer assignments, shopping for the newest clothes, and thinking of your favorite teacher naked. Okay, let's be realistic. The summer assignment will be your buddy's assignment, the newest clothes will be from a thrift shop, and that favorite teacher is probably well above 50. What's wrong with cougars though? Think of it as a Topanga and Mr. Feeny relationship from Boy Meets World. Okay, that may have never happened, but you get the picture. Here are a few tips to make your school year the best one ever:
1)Do exactly the opposite of what your teachers tell you
You heard me right. Do the exact opposite of what your teachers tell you. When a teacher tells you to speak of appropriate things in class, think of insults that directly lower his or her self esteem. When a teacher tells you to leave religion away from the classroom, bring in the Torah. When a teacher wants you to do homework, study the Kama sutra. Since when has Abraham Lincoln helped you snag a date with the hot chick that sits in front of you in chem.
2)Never be afraid of self image
Hey buddy, don't bathe daily. Obviously you want to be noticed by Jane Doe from math class right. What's a better way to be noticed than to reek of foul eggs, rancid milk, and unwashed dog. She will definitely know you exist now. Come on, don't stop there. Don't wash your clothes and definitely don't brush your teeth. You want to stick out as much as possible for your significant other (or soon to be significant other). Come on, be different. It will get you the best date of your life.
3) Forget getting involved, get even
Getting involved in any clubs or sports is always a pain. It requires too much effort, right? Why struggle to be involved, when you can just get even? Don't join the debate team, join some jokesters and plant peanuts in the peanut allergy kids' food. While you're at it, put laxatives in the donuts of the teachers who failed you! No, no, no, nothing is like a good snake in the locker. That will put your ex to shame!
Remember those three tips and you're going back to school with pride!