I've got soul, but I'm not a Soul Train
I like to pour half and half into my Arnold Palmers. I call it complicated fractions.
Hungry HipposHungry Hungry Hippos? Of course they're hungry. It's Africa.
Last night I dreamed that they made a sequel to Inception with Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan. Now I finally know what it's like to have a dream within a dream within a Dream Team.
The Hunt For Red October has surprisingly little subtext.
I was hard at work the other day when my boss told me I was fired. This constant boner is really hindering my career as a sweatpants model.
After recent disasters, it seems appropriate that the phrase "There's always more fish in the sea" should be replaced with "There's always more oil in the ocean."
I think there’s a direct correlation between how frayed the bottom of your JNCO jeans were and how frayed your parent's marriage was.