National Korean Newspaper

The Only Part in English


Recently in Seoul, South Korea on August 25, 2010; a man was on the shores of some where relatively close to Seoul but, still in the ocean. After reports by seventeen and a half witnesses (a small boy yelling a lot), a man was seen riding a Giant Pacific Octopus – for all you skeptics that’s an actual type of octopus I looked it up!  The alleged octopus was roughly twenty-three feet tall and about one hundred and fifty-four pounds. He was a deep red color with a clean shaved face and a mostly clear complexion. It was a spectacle, as thirty-seven year old Yelingchowmeinaduoshihamo Lee was riding such a mammoth of an octopus out onto the shore. The man proceeded to ride the octopus seventy-four miles into downtown Seoul.

It took a force of sixteen highly trained force recon restaurant owners and a myriad of tourists to wrestle the Lee off of his mount. The octopus fled the scene and is currently at large in most of that area of South Korea. None were killed in the incident however, four men and a cat got a suction cup to the throat which causes redness of the area for a few days. They were rushed to the hospital where the victims were given treatment when another man passed out from the pure horror.

Yelingchowmeinaduoshihamo was commented as saying “The octopus and I were simply going for a joy ride when everything went a rye”. After further questioning Lee confessed to three other previous offenses which included: grand theft polar bear, domestic ferret breeding (illegal in Asia and half of Europe), and trafficking and sales of bananas laced with paprika to underprivileged Orangutans. He could be facing up to seven years on parole with no chance of jail.

The octopus, is currently at large and will be easy to spot. As previously described he is roughly twenty-three feet tall and about one hundred and fifty-four pounds. He is clean shaven and has a clear complexion. The saddle is still attached and looks like it isn’t going anywhere. His deep red color is rather common of the Giant Pacific Octopi. However he has a tattoo of what looks like a Norwegian Glacier on his fifth tentacle from the left. Also he has a scar roughly the size of a grape fruit on its back type area. Be on alert he is armed and dangerous. Immediately call someone who you think can do something about this and would help you out. If you have any more of this story contact me somehow; my phone is disconnected as I am running out of funds to live on and my email is unavailable since I don’t have a computer. I don’t know how I am writing this. Enough questions!

It’s obviously fiction.