1. If you want to send Chuck Norris a letter, just write “Chuck Norris” on the envelope and drop it in any mailbox. Don’t worry; he’ll get it.

2. The “C-section” is named after Chuck Norris, for when he roundhouse kicked himself through his mother’s stomach.

3. Chuck Norris fought and won a battle at the Red Sea, which was originally a blue sea.

4. Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.

5. Chuck Norris puts the fun in funerals.

6. Chuck Norris makes his internal organs pay rent.

7. Chuck Norris eats coal and poops diamonds.

8. The last child who dressed up as Chuck Norris for Halloween came home with three dozen 5-course gourmet meals, a 200 foot square block of the purest gold, and four human sacrifices. (Note: I know who I am dressing up as for Halloween)

9. According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you into yesterday.

10. Lemmings run off cliffs because of Chuck Norris.

11. Trains stop at a Chuck Norris crossing.

12. Chuck Norrises’ laundry sorts itself.

13. The fences at the zoo are to keep the animals safe from Chuck Norris.

14. At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris.

15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

17. Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

18. Whenever Chuck Norris’s wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.

19. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

20. Chuck Norris isn't scared of the dark, the dark is scared of Chuck Norris.