Kid-Tested, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony-Approved
Based on all the swastikas carved into bathroom stalls, NAZIs must be the most constipated people on earth.
Digestively speaking, isn't every fast food joint technically an In-N-Out Burger?
Have you ever noticed how sick horses just sort of stick together?
I just bought one of those wristwatches that shows you what phase the moon is in. Apparently, right now it's feeling really noncommittal and just getting into Faulkner.
It's OK for me to make Anne Frank jokes, because my girlfriend looks like Fat Anne Frank.
Sometimes I wish politics were more like math; that way it'd be impossible for our views to be divided by ground zero.
It's pretty ironic that anarchists all use the same symbol.
Rose is red, Hypnotiq is blue, Moscato is sweet, and I pour whiskey into my coffee every morning on the way to work.