The 7 People You'll See In The Library

By: Dylan Anderson

- Your Friends

This is the reason you’re in the library. It’s Tuesday and there’s a big test tomorrow so you actually have to pretend to study. The best way to do that is to talk your friends into coming to the library with you so you can talk about anything besides Organic Chemistry. What the hell is a resonance structure? Doesn’t matter, because you’re bailing to play beer pong at 9:00 whether you know or not.

- Foreign Students

You can’t tell if they’re Japanese, Korean or what, but they are sitting in a group of approximately 10 people of the same ethnicity. They never appear to be studying anything academics-related but they certainly all have better grades than you, despite not really speaking English. Maybe it’s because they all have awesome lap tops.

- Student Athletes

This doesn’t make sense, you actually see like four football players in the library at once. Oh wait, that one is with some smoking hot blonde, he’s studying her awesome rack. The other three are there because their grades suck and they have to play in the big game on Saturday, so they’re chillin’ while a “tutor” does their homework. Now you’re really regretting not sticking with those tennis lessons in 7th grade.

- Smart Kids

These nerds are actually at the library because they want to be. One has an MCAT prep book, one is working on that term paper that’s due in three months, and another is getting paid to “tutor” the student athletes. You mention to your friends that you feel bad for them because they have no lives, but you desperately wish you could do something worthwhile like them.

- The Girl Making Flash Cards Who’s Still Going To Fail

This girl is on her last leg trying to revive her dream of going into nursing. After bombing medical terminology and anatomy with her completely unsuccessful strategy of making 1000’s of flash cards, she’s currently making 1000 for physiology. And she’s still going to fail. She also never wears make up or does her hair. Don’t bump her desk as you walk by or she will huff SO loud it will make you feel worthless. Just like her.

- The Horny Couple

They both have different books out and for periods of 3-4 minutes they appear to be studying or doing homework. But.. now he’s nibbling on her ear. Now you can’t help but watch them, until the girl notices and cuts off all physical contact with her boyfriend. That’s awkward. You try to ignore them.. until you look back and she’s giving him a not so sneaky hand job under the table they‘re sharing with the flash card girl. Maybe it’s time to go play beer pong.

- Creepy Old Guy Watching Anime

On your way out of the library you can’t help but notice an older man with a ponytail and cargo shorts who looks completely out of place sitting at one of the computers. You thought those were only for students? As you round the corner you catch a glimpse of some half naked anime chicks on his screen, and every time you come back this time of night this year he will be there watching anime. You will need a few extra drinks tonight to forget this unsettling sight.