I just found out that I have a (relatively minor) type of cancer. I was going over worst case scenarios in my mind, and the first thing that popped into my head was "If I die, it better not be until I at least get the chance to play Mass Effect 3."
The only way I can motivate myself enough to work out is by pretending I'm a Saiyan warrior training to take on Freeza.
The other day I caught A Shiny Chansey, and I screamed so hard that I gave myself a hemorrhoid.
-JD (Age 21)
Some people imagine an angel and a devil on their shoulders when they have to make a tough decision. I imagine Batman on one shoulder and Deadpool on the other. When I have a really tough decision, Green Lantern and Wolverine join them.
I was alone with my girlfriend's roommate late one Saturday after a long night of drinking. We had some time to kill, so I tried to impress her by naming the Top 100 Super Villains as Ranked by IGN. I listed all 100 from memory in under 7 minutes. She responded by informing me that we weren't going to hook up.
I always buy blue and red gatorade together so I can pretend that they're mana and health potions.
I recently won the championship in manager mode of Fifa. It was an emotional match because one of my top players was ejected from the game, and my main scorer was injured. I was losing, but managed to tie it in the last minute and won in over time. I was so happy that I cried, called my mom and told her I loved her, treated myself to a pizza, sat up the whole night thinking about the game, and finally called my ex-girlfriend and told her about the game. She said something about how this was why we broke up. Who cares? I just won the finals!
And here's a small sampling of the 23 emails I received explaining that Endor is a planet, in response to a submission from Issue #32:
It pissed me off when, in issue #32, Tom wrote that Endor was not a planet but a forest moon. Endor is a giant gas planet with a forest moon orbiting. The forest moon is often referred to as Endor but its full designation is "The Forest Moon of Endor." Endor IS a planet.
I just wanted to let Tom know that Jeopardy was right, and he made Star Wars fans look bad. Endor is the planet. They were on the "forest moon OF Endor." Meaning, of course, that the forest moon circles the PLANET Endor.
I got annoyed because someone said Endor wasn't a planet in the last Pwn My Life. It is a planet and the forest moon orbits around it.
To the guy who wrote to Jeopardy about Endor being the name of the moon, Endor is both the name of the planet AND its second moon. You should write to Jeopardy and apologize.
In response to the guy with the Final Jeapordy question, the question was correct, the actual planet is called Endor however the moon where Leia meets the Ewoks is in fact, in reality, The Forest Moon of Endor. Repeat: Endor=planet, Forest Moon=Home of Ewoks. I would have accepted you writing in to say that there are no witches named The Forest Moon Of Endor, however what you wrote in is not acceptable.
It was called the Forest Moon of Endor or the Second Moon of Endor, so obviously there is a planet called Endor that the moon is orbiting around in the Star Wars Universe. Tom is retarded.