On many drunken occasions, I meet guys who fall beneath my standards and at some point between a few Twisted Teas and me passing out, I end up giving them my phone number, having minimal recollections of it the next morning. Because of this, many a creep are able to stay in contact with me.

Lewis falls into this category; he is one guy who can creep with the best of them, and I have probably met him maybe twice in my life.  Lewis still texts me to this day, telling me how much he misses me, wishes I were with him, and how badly he wants to see me. Every time my phone buzzes with a text from him, I want to gag and vomit more than when I see a bottle of cheap Chardonnay. 

One day, Lewis was texting me and telling me about his life. I was being nice and responding casually, pretending that I cared, until he pulled the infamous creepy male line of “I forgot what you look like, could you send a picture to me?” He had forgotten what I looked like, yet he wishes I were with him? I immediately entered bitch-mode and scanned my phone’s pictures for the worst possible picture of me to send him. For some reason, I had a picture of a card from the board game “Sorry” on my phone, so I quickly hit send and within seconds I received a baffled text from Lewis. “what was that lol,” his text read. “A picture!” I responded. “but thats not what i wanted lol,” he said. I laughed; sleazy guys always have a broad sense of entitlement. “Well, we can’t always get what we want I guess…” I typed into my phone, tapped the OK button and watched as ”send message?” popped onto my screen.

Verizon didn’t have to ask me twice.