The following email was sent to an acquaintance of mine after he housesat for an innocent old lady down the street over a weekend in the summer… she picked the wrong guy.


Dear ****,

I was really disappointed to find my house in the condition it was in when I returned.  To talk with you about this in person would have been even more uncomfortable.
I don’t want to tattle on you to your folks but I feel strongly enough about this that I think you need to learn an important lesson – I don’t think you are mature enough or responsible enough to be house sitting. 
My house was in appalling shape – I came home to my back door unlocked, cigarette and cigarillo butts scattered throughout my back porch, metal pieces in my disposal that I had to fish out, I had to strip and wash all 3 beds that had been slept in, the bathroom, especially the tub, was disgusting, I’ll have to replace the ruined white towels, and I had to clean up the dog pee in the dining room which leaked into the basement (maybe this happened because your parties lasted until 3:30am and you then slept in and did not open the door for Sparky in the morning to make it outside in time?). 
Finally, “help yourself” does not give you license – especially at age 18 – to drink all my beer and the full bottle of Smirnoff Limoncello – I never thought I’d have to spell that out to you.   
While I was cleaning up, I did finally find your computer – I’ve put it on my front porch for you to pick up – please pick it up today before 5pm.  It’s in a Kroger bag on the right side of the porch when you walk up the front steps.
Bottom line – I’m glad my house is still standing and my animals are alive but it’s been a chore cleaning up after you. 
I really do wish you well at school – you seem like a good kid overall – just please make sure the next time you house-sit you do it responsibly and respectfully.