Now That's What I Call One-Liners! 142
Meat is Self-Defense.
Buying pants is a lot like watching Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. It's sort of funny the first time they shrink, but every time after that you just get really mad at Rick Moranis.
RegretsThey say you regret the things you don't do more than the things you do do. Except when it's in your pants.
If Ben Roethlisberger used any more force to get sex, he'd be a Jedi.
I saw a homeless person consulting a real estate firm. He told me he was thinking outside the box.
A parent's death hits the youngest child hardest; surely it's no different for Michael Jackson's. That could be a Blanket statement though.
I can't believe they're banning Four Loko for everyone. They should just ban it for people under 21.
I ran into my ex-girlfriend today. It didn't go well. Now I need to get my truck fixed.
Give a fish a fish, and you introduce the concept of slavery to an entire species. Teach a fish to fish, and you make him a mythical, nightmarish murderer feared by his own kind. So maybe just stay away from fish, okay?