Superintendent: Are you the headmaster here?
Dumbledore: Why yes, yes I am. Also: I'm gay.
Superintendent: That's fine. Now about Hogwarts-
Dumbledore: Bet you didn't know that! Boom!
Superintendent: No one cares. Frankly, I'm not sure why you ever brought it up. All you're doing now is setting up some strange fan-fiction.
Dumbledore: What brings you here?
Superintendent: Hogwarts seems pretty dangerous. You know, relative to, well, anything.
Dumbledore: Oh, not really. Except for when the Chamber of Secrets was opened and a monster snake killed a girl and caused chaos fifty years later. That was bad.
Superintendent: Why does Hogwarts have a chamber of secrets in the first place?
Dumbledore: Oh, that's just Slytherin stuff. They do stuff like that. You know, evil.
Superintendent: An entire quarter of your school is definitively evil? Shouldn't you do something about that?
Superintendent: Did you ever shut it down?
Dumbledore: No, but an eleven year old went on an epic quest and killed the monster. I am, like, 90% sure there was only one monster. I promise.
Superintendent: Well, still-
Dumbledore: 80%. But so far, so good. Well, except for all the Dementor stuff.
Superintendent: You should probably take care of all your horrible, horrible monsters.
Dumbledore: Don't worry! All our monsters are taken care of by Hagrid, a lovable goofball in no way professionally trained. Also, you know, the guy who was convicted for the monsters killing that girl before.
Superintendent: Is there literally no one else available?
Dumbledore: The best part is he's also a giant monster, too. See? Synergy. Trust me.
Superintendent: Didn't you once hire Voldemort himself? As in, the most evil man in existence?
Dumbledore: Well yeah, but to be fair, he was hiding in the back of this one guy's head.
Superintendent: I feel like you should screen for that.
Dumbledore: Why would I ever think to screen somebody wearing a turban?
Superintendent: I'm just saying this school seems really dangerous. A lot of people end up dead.
Dumbledore: Well, I suppose but-
Superintendent: Like, I'm pretty sure you were killed too. Just saying.
Dumbledore: Spoiler alert, jackass.