As read in WikiLeaks

I got hooked on phonics when I was 11. Everyday it's a struggle to see a word and not try to sound that shit out.

-Conor McKeon

I'm not so much "World's Best Boss" as I am "Guy Who Beat Someone Up And Stole Their Mug."

-Brian Murphy @chmurph

Did You Know?

The preferred term to describe a Glee fanatic is not "Glaggot."

-Dan Gurewitch @Dangurewitch

My uncle always talks trash when we play one-on-one. Like, "Biodegradable plastics are rapidly emerging." Or, "Shoot a three you pussy."

-Wiseguy Pictures

If I've learned anything from masturbation, it's how to type with my left hand.

-Dan Kurkowski

Last week I joined a satanic cult. You know, for the hell of it.

-Stephen Kropa

I used to not know how to create suspense. But now… I do.

-Phil Morello

If someone ever offers you a Cocker Spaniel, you should take the Spaniel.

-Kent Doss

People are always judging me, and I wouldn't mind so much if the verdict wasn't always a restraining order.

-Dan Hamilton