Toe nail clippers are a valuable asset to society because…

A Breviary of Virginity: Sin, Redemption, and Somebody Please Just Have Sex with Me


A Concise Guide to Early 20's Virginity


I Got One Hand in My Pocket
: A Brief History of Alanis Morissette, with masturbatory anecdotes supplied by yours truly
                                                An Honest Confession 
I won't even begin to tell you how little I know about what it means to be funny. But I do have certain other gifts,  annotational in origin, that may be of service to you if you are seeking to learn more about hardcore pornography… 

Is looking at porn on your mom's computer because you live at home largely considered by society to be "funny?" (Answer: No. The potential humor was in the act of asking; PUT MYSELF OUT THERE FAIL)


To truly have a thorough understanding of comedy, one must look much further back in history than Will Ferrell. To be sure, one can hardly argue with the statement "Comedy truly started being funny once Will Ferrell started doing it", but a well known Greek philosopher by the name of Aristotle had a few interesting things to say about self realization, an important aspect of any aspiring comedian's creative process…

My beard hair, taken on an individual-hair basis, looks a lot like pubic hair. It is long (roughly an inch and a half), curly and oily. If you find one in your soup, I won't lie to you and say it probably came out of my beard. It probably came from my penis. 

                     AM I RIGHT?! (A NEW COMEDY STARRING JEFF GOLDBLUM AND BOBBY MCFERRIN)
BM "What's up, brohaimalaim?"
JG "Nothing. Just got off work. Headin' over to GB's to smoke a bowl. Wutchu doin'?"
BM "I'm hungry. Was wonderin' if you wanted to get something to eat."
JG "Hmm. Nah I think I'm good." 
BM"Aight."
JG"Peace, nig."
BM "'Lates."