A: Hey Jake. Jake. JAKE. SHAKE.
(pans over to jake completely ignoring Amir wearing his newest Christmas present; dr dre beats headphones)
A: FOR GOODNESS SHAKE.
J: What? What do you want?
A: Listen, about your Christmas gifts. I’m sarny…
(over to Jake)
J: You mean sorry?
(Confused look, pans over to Amir)
A: Yeah, more like Chronicles of Sarnia. Ha, ha.
(Amir scoffs in disgust)
J: I know I'm just feeding this horrible fire that is your life, but what are you sorry for?
(Shows Amir wearing the headphones reading “Green Eggs and Ham”)
J: How did you get my headphones?!
A: It’s a movie, a DVD, a Blue Ray, a classical piece of work. Perhaps you’ve heard of it.
(Both Jake and Amir in the shot)
J: I know what Chronicles of Narnia is, very witty. Clearly beside the point, just give me back my headphones.
A: You know, I’ve been thinking about how materialistic our society has become and I’ve decided to help you out. Yeah, me helping you. I’m going to sell these.
J: No, that’s not going happen, because you’re going to give them back to me. It’s not materialistic if they were given to me.
A: Given. Stolen. Purchased. It’s all minerals.
J: Well I'm not materialistic and I'm definitely not paying you for my gift.
(Amir gets up and walks over towards the window)
A: If that’s your attitude, I’ll just cure your mineral issues and throw them out the window into a crowd of school children.
J: That is just wrong on so many levels. Just stop. Here. You want money? A scarf? Chicken nuggets? What?
A: HA! I so got you dude. I knew it. You’re such a minimalist … Lets hug and celebrate.
J: What? No. Do you even know what materialistic or minimalist mean?
(Near Patrick’s’ desk)
Pat: Oh, hey guys. What’s going on?
(completely ignoring Pat)
A: Chicken nuggets then, give me 500 nuggets and I’ll tell you.
J: Well you don’t know either way, I have no chicken nuggets and I have no time for this.
(Jake turns around to walk away)
A: Hey Jake, FUCK YOU.
(Grabs Pats headphones and smashes them onto the ground while making creepy eye contact with Jake for a few seconds and then runs away, while still wearing Jakes headphones)
(Jake looks at Pat and starts talking to him)
J: Sorry man, can you believe that?
P: No, it’s cool. Those were actually Amirs’ headphones.
(College Humor logo)
(Back to Pat and Jake)
P: Ha, I stole his this morning, my bad.
(Jake lunges towards Pats throat and scene ends)