If you can read this, keep on doing so.
I gave up on searching for true love, when Google gave me 67 million results.
Automatic flush toiletsGod's way of telling me to stop taking pictures of my poop.
The moment you know your girlfriend's too bigWhen you push her in a river and someone else yells "Dam."
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
I didn't realize just how ugly I was until I got a hemorrhoid on my face.
Literature can be dangerous. I've seen a story plot, a rhyme scheme, and a novel straight up murder three guys outside an Arby's.
If fate is a cruel mistress, does that mean I'm destined to cheat on my wife?
People think it's weird that I wear protection while masturbating, but who knows what kind of germs are on the public library's keyboard.
I have fond memories of the boy scouts, but it's funny, I don't remember earning that Star of David merit badge they sewed onto my sleeve.