Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
I Fought the Law: Issue #9
March 8, 2011
Ever had a funny/interesting/awesome run in with the law? Want to incriminate yourself on a worldwide-scale? Submit your stories to
IFoughtTheLawAndDidOrDidNotWin at gmail
I'm a volunteer fireman. One day I was responding to a fire, and I had to pass through a neighboring town to get to the firehouse. I was speeding down the road and passed a cop who immediately pulled me over. I guess he saw my fire department sticker, because the first thing he said to me was, "So, where's the fire?" I responded, "Sir, it's right behind you." He turned around and saw a big plume of smoke a couple blocks away. He was shocked. He told me to "get out of here." And I was on my way again.
About a year ago, my friends wanted to sneak onto a construction site through a hole in a fence. They went in first, while used a pole to keep branches out of the way. They were beckoning me to follow them when a police car turned the corner. It was too late to go in, and I looked suspicious standing there, so I took one for the team. I took the pole, walked over near the road and started improvising a dance routine including spins, jumps and other stupid movies. The cop slowed down, stared at me, shook his head then drove off. My friends repaid me by recording the whole incident on their phones and sending it to everyone I know.
I'm a juggler and actively involved with my universities circus society. Part of this involves me occasionally unicycling to the hall we practice in. I live in Liverpool, which doesn't have a great reputation, and I don't live in a good area. I'm usually relieved when I see the police around. Not this day. While unicycling back from school, I was pulled over by a police car and summonsed over to his window. The officer then said, "We're here about the report."
"What report?" I asked.
"Well, someone has stolen half your bike," he said.
Honest to God, they pulled me over for a joke that bad.
One Thursday night, some friends and I were bored and walking around campus. This one house had a boat on its lawn. It was a small sail boat. Someone came up with the bright idea to move it to the university president's lawn. It took five of us to carry it, it was so heavy. Before we got 100 feet away from the house, a cop turned the corner to see us carrying a boat. He must have accurately assumed we were up to no good and turned on his lights. As soon as he did, someone yelled "run!" We dropped the boat in the road and took off in different directions. After a chase through campus one friend and I ran into a dead end. Not wanting to be tackled, we handed ourselves over. The cops were nice enough not to charge us with anything. Instead, they made the two of us carry that heavy f***ing boat back to where we found it by ourselves.
The road by my high school was long, straight, and had farmland on both sides of it. For some reason, it was a 35 mph zone. I was rushing home one day and got pulled over for going substantially over the speed limit. I decided to fight it. I got an amazing lawyer. He somehow proved that the city didn't have the authority to enforce that speed limit on that road. Not only was the ticket dismissed, but the next time I drove down that road the limit had changed to 45 mph.
When I was about 16, I had just gotten my license and was driving around with a girl. We didn't know what to do or where to go, so I pulled into a school parking by my house. We were talking, then started making out. As we were kissing there was a knock on the driver's side window. I hadn't even noticed that a cop had pulled up. I quickly jumped back into the driver sear and rolled down the window. He asked what we were doing. The girl I was with said, "We were just waiting for my boyfriend to come pick me up." He asked for our IDs and when he came back said, "I feel bad for your boyfriend." Then he let us go.
i fought the law
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.