My now ex and I are both martial artists. One night in class she and I were sparring and I hit her hard enough to bruise her. The next day she went to class and a teacher asked her what happened. Without thinking, she told the teacher, "my boyfriend did it." She was sent to guidance and had to explain the situation to them.
Last Saturday my girlfriend and I were gonna have phone sex for the first time. I tried calling her for 20 minutes until she finally picked up the phone. I asked her why she took so long to pick up. She said " I thought phone sex was when you put your phone down your pants and set it to vibrate."
I was seeing this guy, and we didn't get physical for about a month. After the first time we had sex, he got up to take a shower and I stayed in bed. After he left the room I realized something weird. There was a brown streak on the bed from where he sat to get up
He shit himself while we were having sex. It was gross. I pretended to never see it. He ended up being a jerk and now I wish I had humiliated him.
My boyfriend thought females only released eggs when they orgasm. I had to sit him down and explain sex education starting with the menstrual cycle.
I didn't pay my overdue credit card bill for weeks because I liked how all their phone calls made me seem more socially connected to my cool new girlfriend.
When I first started dating my boyfriend I was a virgin. Now I am not
I didn't think we did weird things, but compared to some of my girlfriends I guess we do. For example, today I read him Cosmos, "75 things men wished their ex's would have done"
I had done 70 of them with him. The only ones I hadn't done were stuff like rub my feet during sex
. Looks like I'm a little more adventurous than I thought!
I was watching a show with my girlfriend and a segment came on about a guy that got his face burned off. After seeing this, my girlfriend asks, "If I woke up in the morning and I had no face would you still like me?"
My girlfriend thought Clint Eastwood was Indiana Jones.
My wife spent the day giving me the silent treatment because I didn't "like" her Facebook status.
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