Billy Madison

It took 24 weeks of hard work, a Jeopardy-style battle of wits, the help of his friends, and an incredible amount of nonsensical yelling, but, somehow, the onetime penguin chasing man-child, Billy Madison, graduated from high school. No, he wasn't valedictorian, but he did have everyone he ever went to school with (save for the O'Doyle clan) over to his house for a graduation ceremony—and if that's not worth saying, then obnoxiously shouting, a few words, nothing is. While it's unlikely anything from the college-bound Billy's speech would pass the lips of any other self-respecting keynote speaker (unless their parents owned a hotel chain or were burdened with the task of moving along a highly-implausible plot), his words will live on forever in the shouts and Facebook statuses of idiots getting their diplomas everywhere.

Back to School

This speech is what 11 year-olds who've never even seen this movie think of when they think of college. The idea that a student like Thornton Melon would be asked to address his class on graduation day is just about as likely as an oft-defeated collegiate diving team having bleachers full of fans to compete in front of—so, of course, the Back to School writers saw absolutely nothing wrong with it. Judging from the drunk-uncle-rattling-off-jokes-while-he-has-you-cornered-at-a-family-party nature of his speech, it definitely doesn't seem like Mr. Melon paid Kurt Vonnegut to write it for him—but judging from the amount of guffaws and belly laughter it was met with, he did buy the audience. In the real world, people aren't rewarded for throwing crazy parties, scoring the sexy professor, and winning the important match with the opportunity to be the commencement speaker—they're given NBA contracts.