I was being a little bit needy one day, and I asked my (now ex) boyfriend, "Why can't I look like her?" about some girl he was really admiring. He came back with, completely seriously, "You could if you put in a little effort!"
I was about to go down on my boyfriend one day, but I was in a silly mood. So I put on my best comedian face, tapped the head of his penis and said, "Is this thing on? Heh heh." He didn't find it as funny as I did
I was out with my girlfriend and some of our friends one night and we all got pretty drunk. At some point, we all started to share sex stories and experiences and out of nowhere my girlfriend says "I prefer guys with small penises." She tried to correct it by saying that she meant that large penises hurt her, but at that point I was already a laughing stock.
All through high school I had a huge crush on this girl, and she knew it. After four years of me trying to get her to date me, she finally said yes to one date. She then spent the night talking with friends at the play we went to, and completely ignoring me. I found out later that she only said yes because her mom made her, out of pity for me.
One night my girlfriend and I were in my room 69ing. My roommate gets back to the apartment and we hear him start to play some call of duty. So we just finished up and my girlfriend started to back up off me. We she misses the end of the bed, falls off, and knocks the dresser into the wall with a loud crash. My roommate flies in the room "Are you ok?" There is a long pause as he looks at me and then sees my girlfriend naked in a little ball stuck between the bed post and the dresser
He bursts out laughing and as he leaves he says, "man down
I was giving my boyfriend head one night when I realized that, when pressed to my nose, his penis looked like Squidward's nose! Immediately amused and wanting to share, regardless of the moment, I put my boyfriend's penis to my nose and in my best Squidward voice said, "SpongeBob!! You're ruining my clarinet playing!!" He immediately bust out laughing, almost to tears. It took a while, but we finally got back into the swing of things without giggling.
A friend and I had flirted on and off for years before we finally hooked up one evening. The chemistry was great, so we wanted to keep going. I realized I had a new wallet, and forgot to carry a condom with me. I asked her if she had one, but she didn't. We were both frustrated on what to do at this late hour with hormones high and inhibition at an all time low. That's when she stopped, looked me dead and the eye and said completely dead pan, "Well
I don't THINK I'll get pregnant
" If only mind over matter actually worked.
My boyfriend said no to a blow job because he was in the middle of a raid on World of Warcraft.
My girlfriend got really mad at me for drawing a penis on another girl's notes. So I drew a few nicer looking, bigger ones on pictures of us and sent them to her to make up. It worked.
My boyfriend and I had only been dating for a month. I got pregnant.
My girlfriend thinks she's cool because she can put her legs behind her head. My dad asked her to prove it at my brother's graduation party and she farted in front of all my relatives.
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