6. Souvenirs

No one has ever not bought a souvenir 10 minutes before their plane leaves at the airport, so hurry fast and grab a country-specific piggy bank that will be used once out of politeness in front of you. You know what's better than a piggy bank? A bank. A real one that doesn't only store coins and is free. Not going to go for the piggy bank, huh? Good luck finding a snowglobe or T Shirt that is actively a better choice than the stupid piggy bank.

7. Airport Wi-Fi

Why pay for an overpriced magazine in the waiting lounge when you can pay for overpriced wi-fi in the waiting lounge? No more reading feature articles printed on a dying medium, you can type "tl;dr" underneath a feature article printed on the COOLEST medium. It's what you'll have to do, by the way, because there's no way that 30 second YouTube video is going to load in time.

8. Cheap Sunglasses

Give it up, buddy. Buy some reasonably priced sunglasses already. By all means be thrifty, but you and I both know those 3 dollar ones you got at the street fair are falling apart, literally, before your eyes. That hinge is broken, for starters. Not to mention the fact that whatever super cheap plastic they're made of has started to melt in the June sun after 25 minutes.

9. A Pineapple

You know what's summery? Pineapple. You should buy a pineapple. A whole pineapple. You can slice it up and eat it fresh or make smoothies or a fruit salad or a homemade Hawaiian pizza. You won't do those things though. You'll buy a pineapple, realize you don't own a knife sharp enough to cut it, then leave it on your kitchen counter for decoration until it molds and attracts a platoon of flies. Ah, summer!

10. A Stupid Book

When you spend the majority of your year reading the classics (or about them online), it's probably a good idea to give your brain some time off and indulge in some mindless rubbish. And since bringing a TV to the beach can be such a hassle, the best way to do this is to pick up some trashy literature. Not only will reading something completely void of intellectual value provide you with an enjoyable experience, it also spares you from the pressure of feeling the need to work the fact that you have read the book into all of your conversations.