When my girlfriend and I are watching TV or a movie and theres a scene where one or more women are naked, WITHOUT FAIL, she grabs my crotch to see if i'm "excited." Creepy part is that she stares me down as she performs her check.
The other day my girl friend got mad at me for saying that Christina Aguilera has looked like she's gotten chubbier. Apparently its rude of me to notice these things
I talk now to my ex-boyfriend more than we did when we were together.
Since I've been dating my girlfriend, I've found out I'm one of the lucky(?) girls who can squirt during sex. It might feel great, but it means I get the terror of leaving puddles behind after sex. So far we've ruined 3 bedsheets and a pair of my jeans.
My girlfriend and I were watching a movie on my laptop, she was sitting on my lap, and the laptop was on her's. Mid-movie the phone rings and she stood up to run and go get it, apparently forgetting my laptop was on her lap. It fell screen first onto the wood floor, and went white. She stood frozen for a while, and apologized repeatedly, I didn't say a word, just tended to the laptop in silence; not really angry just aggravated. She left. Today
now two days later
I received a breakup text from her. "I was too critical, and emotionally detached
and it was evident that I cared about my laptop more than her feelings
I was with my girlfriend one night in the back seat of my car after taking her out to dinner. Things started getting really hot, we both ended up naked, and she started giving me head. Being the genius that I am, I didn't consider my lactose intolerance at dinner and we got ice cream for dessert. So there I was getting head with an urge to fart like none other. I thought I could hold but at this point my ass-cheeks were moist from having been on leather seats and my bowels decided to make the decision to fart for me. I ripped the loudest fart I've ever ripped while she was inches from my crack. She came up laughing and cracked up for the next five minutes. After that she finished me and we have an amazing inside joke about it now. Yes, I do think she may be an angel.
One day my boyfriend and I were getting heavy and our dogs walk in, sit down, and just watch us. We stopped for an awkward moment, looked at eachother like, "You ok with it?" and continued. I guess we must have looked like we were having fun because the next thing we know, both dogs jump onto the bed, one dog starts licking his feet, and the other dog starts licking my face like, "I wanna join!" I couldn't help it, just busted up laughing. Needless to say, the mood was killed
for a while
My girlfriend loved to play "Boing" with my penis. To play you take an erect cock and bend it back towards the balls and then release and say "Boing" with drawn-out effect. Four years (and a few ex'es) later and that is still the only thing I think about when getting a handie.
My girlfriend keeps asking me to tell her what web-related acronyms like "http" (Hyper Text Transfer Protocol) or "www" mean because she finds it exciting.
Mid way through sex on a one night stand I could hear a strange noise, I paused and asked the girl what it was and she said, "It's ok that's my daughter" (Asleep in a cradle at the end of the bed)
.she asked me to carry on, I declined and instead got a lift home in the morning from her brother
.awkward journey home
Over dinner, I was talking to my parents about a girl at school that likes me. I told them how she's very nice and understands my personality, but I couldn't see myself dating her because I just don't find her attractive. My dad looks at me and says passionately, "OH, DON'T WORRY, you get over that eventually. Trust me!" The look on my mom's face was priceless.