The 1990's were known for plenty of things. The fall of the Soviet Union. The dot-com bubble. Yikes! pencils. But it was also the golden decade for Mario and Sonic, the two most successful mascots in the history of videogames. And just like real royalty, there was no shortage of inbred wannabes squabbling for their throne. Here are the lamest videogame mascots in history.
OK, calm down. I'm not saying Crash Bandicoot is a bad game. Let's just set that issue aside for a minute and examine Mr. Bandicoot as a character. Crash didn't come around until '96, years after the attitude-plus-species naming convention went out of style. Even still, Crash was an exercise in pandering. Sony wanted their own flagship character to compete with Mario, but didn't have a mascot. So they bought a field guide of Tasmanian mammals and thumbed through it, briefly toying with "Willie the Wombat," before settling on a "bandicoot." Now that's an animal that sounds like it can skateboard!
Honestly, they could have picked anything because Crash is based on design constraints, not anything that exists in real life. He's orange because that color shows up well on TVs. He doesn't have a neck because the Playstation couldn't handle necks. What we ended up with is a character that looks how Bobcat Goldthwait sounds. Luckily, Crash barely talks. That, along with good gameplay and fun levels, saved Crash from competing with Bubsy 3D for most annoying platformer of 1996.