When going through the Facebook most popular music section, by school, you'll see some overlaps
everyone seems to love the Beatles. A lot of college kids like The Shins and Modest Mouse and, most importantly, Dave Matthews Band. But there are some CDs I know are in your regular rotation that you're just too scared to admit you own and thus won't list on the favorite music section of your Facebook profile. You coward. Well, I'm blowing the lid clear off your secrets
because, though you don't list these CDs, I know you own 'em
and listen to them every day.
•"Vol. 3-The Life And Times Of S. Carter" by Jay Z.
This is the one with Big Pimpin on it. It's okay that when your roommates aren't around you strip down to your underwear, put this song on and pretend you're "pimpin." No one's watching and if they were, they'd approve. (loser)
•"The Sign" by Ace Of Base:
When I was down in the Caribbean this summer, there was this amazing reggae band playing some cool songs I had never heard before. Then they started playing this really really sweet ass song that seemed so familiar but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Was it some Bob Marley deep cut? Maybe something by Peter Tosh? No it was "Don't Turn Around," by Ace Of Base. It was then I realized they are one of the most under-appreciated acts of the 90s. And I know there are some true fans still out there who have this CD on their ipod, but to hide their shame they've retagged all the tracks as some Beck bootleg instead. For shame.
The song "Hey Ya" by Andre 3000:
Dude, best song of the decade thus far. You've got the mp3, if not the CD. Just because it was in the playlist at your nana's 80th birthday party doesn't mean you have to feel embarrassed you like "Hey Ya." It's just that good.
•"What's The Story, Morning Glory" by Oasis:
The hits on this CD are tremendous. And it's funny this is actually seen as a classic in every other country. But here? If you were caught listening to Oasis in 2007 you'd probably be tarred and feathered. Doesn't change the fact that "Don't Look Back In Anger" is an amazing song and that she really was my wonderwall. Why did she have to dump me?
•"All Eyez on Me" by 2pac:
This one is shocking to me. It opened at #1 and it's since gone diamond. Sooo many of you have to be listening to this CD. Why the hell won't you just admit it? Wait Oh dag! I know why it's because you're afraid you're gonna get caught up in that East Coast/West Coast beef and possibly catch a spray bullet, right? Yeah I feel you. Good call.
"Mellow Gold" AKA Beck's First Album:
Here's you, talking to your friend "Oh dude, did you hear the information yet? Amazing sort of like Guero approaches to a Sea Change soundscapre!" Here's the song playing in your head while you're talking: "I'm a Loooser Baby, so why don't you kill me?!" Yes, Loser was a gimmick song. It had lyrics in Spanish even, which was a tell tale sign of a mid 90s gimmick (i.e. the Macarena and the I'm Too Sexy Spanish Remix). But regardless, it was probably Beck's catchiest song. And you like it. So stop fronting.
•"Music From The Motion Picture Titanic" featuring Celine Dion: This one's for the ladies. You're all about early Liz Phair and Regina Spektor right now. But even though you claim your indie roots dig deep, there was a time when Titanic was the #1 movie and #1 soundtrack in the country. And as all the news reports told us, the primary driving force behind this phenomenon were girls in middle school. Which would mean YOU, college girls. So, I don't think I'm insinuating too much when I make the claim that let's say 80% of you own this CD. Sure, about half of you threw it away or lost it at camp. But that other half of you? Your heart still goes on. Now just admit it to your friends and we'll all feel a whole lot better, won't we?
•"Live Through This" by Hole:
This is actually an amazing CD. Probably because it was ghostwritten by Kurt Cobain. And it was a BIG CD too. I mean, it came out like a week after Cobain eightysixed himself. Anyways, I've looked, people. No one lists Hole as one of their favorite bands. This can't be true. A few of you Smashing Pumpkins fans must be peeping Hole at least once a week. So list them, for God's sake.
•"It's Dark And Hell Is Hot" by DMX:
I know you list playing acoustic guitar as your favorite pastime, but remember back in middle school when you and your friends used to go rollerblading by the creek and then have freestyle rap competitions? This CD was your theme song then. And quietly, it still is. Please list it on Facebook.
•"Even Worse," "Running With Scissors," and "Bad Hair Day" by Weird Al Yankovic
It's cool again to say you like Weird Al as long as it's that "White And Nerdy" song. Anything beyond that is "shunned." Well, you know what, these CDs made you laugh in grade school and they're still making you laugh today damnit. Don't be ashamed.