They say no news is good news, but it's probably bad news if all the world's news outlets have been destroyed.
-Kevin Corrigan @KevinCorrigan
There may be more than one way to skin a cat, but there are no good ways to explain why you have all those skinned cats in your basement.
-Lev Novak @LevNovak
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Just hard, fast punches.
-Brian Murphy @CHMurph
Methamphetamines are actually way easier done than said.
-Wiseguy Pictures @WiseguyPictures
I Hardly Ever Finish My One-Liners
They call me the PunBail Wiza
-Dan Abromowitz
I used to consider myself quite The Thinker, until my aching wrist forced me to stop it.
-Alex Ringgaard @AlexRinggaard
If disappointing others was an Olympic event, I'd probably sleep through the qualifiers.
-Alex Watt @AlexanderWatt