Rich Man 1: Ok then, it's settled. When we want to dress nicely, we'll wear white collared shirts.

Rich Man 2: So everyone knows we're too classy to dirty our clothing.

RM1: Right. Also, long pants.

RM2: So no one will be able to see how embarrassingly skinny a life of leisure has made our legs.

RM1: Exactly. And leather shoes.

RM2: Because minorities can't afford leather shoes.

RM1: Corr—well, ok, let's try to work on that last reason a bit. I assume we're done here?

Richard: Wait, wait! We forgot about this!

(He holds up a necktie)

RM1: Umm…yes, "this." Richard, if you're trying to kill yourself, we have some perfectly good rope in the barn.

Richard: What? No! This is going to be the last part of our nice outfit! You'll wear it around your neck!

RM1: Around your neck?

Richard: Precisely.

RM2: And you're not trying to kill yourself?

Richard: No.

RM2: Because it would be perfectly understandable if you were. We all know about the problems you've been having at home.

Richard: Hey, hey! You leave Michelle out of this, ok? This has nothing to do with her or that boy from Hispaniola who keeps leaving prophylactics around our estate for reasons she assures me are perfectly innocent. It's merely the final article of clothing we need to complete our outfit.

RM1: But why?

Richard: Why? Seriously? Ok, check out how cool this looks!

(He laboriously puts on the tie. It takes three attempts.)

Richard (panting): See? Gorgeous.

RM1: Ok, I'm really not trying to belabor the suicide point here, but that thing does appear to be strangling you.

Richard: A little bit, yes. All part of the charm.

RM2: The process also seemed a bit complicated. Do you have to tie that knot every time you put it on?

Richard: Of course! Well, either this one or a "double Windsor."

RM1: What's a double Windsor?

Richard: I don't know. Nobody does.

RM2: Gosh, Richard. This seems like an awful lot of work for just one garment.

Richard: That's the appeal! Fathers will teach the process to their sons! It will be a way for them to bond! Or just get frustrated and yell if the son looks a little too much like a certain 23-year-old from Hispaniola who certainly doesn't seem interested in supporting him financially, I don't know. The point is it looks great. And if you like this one…

RM1: We don't, really. Have you not been listening?

Richard: Just imagine how much better it would look with some sort of licensed cartoon character on it! Or some piano keys! And imagine the look of joy on a father's face as he wakes up to see he got a brand new tie for Christmas! And his birthday! And Father's Day, assuming that becomes a holiday at some point!

RM1: Look, Richard, we appreciate your ideas as always, but I'm still not sure I see the point of this.

Richard: You know it would be too expensive for minorities to afford, right?

RM1: Well, I supposed we could give it a shot.