You are internet saavy, and approximately 50% of your inbox consists of Apple updates.  BTW, can someone invite me already?  This is getting ridiculous, seriously you guys.
You signed up for your first email account in middle school and haven't bothered changing your address since.  The precursor to your extension includes either a really old hobby, a 'cool' spelling of a popular word or both (I'm looking at you, pog_gurl22).
AOL sent you 12,000 free CDs in 6th grade and you signed up out of guilt.  In related news, you're still using free 120 hour accounts on dialup.  You also need to sign off soon, your mom really needs to use the phone. It's IMPORTANT.
You were really really up to date ten years ago.  Then you went and had a bunch of stupid babies.  You still think you're up to date, but your high-waisted, tapered jeans tell another story.  And that story is really uncomfortable looking.
You watch so much porn that your favorite site created a custom email account for you.  Not surprisingly, the majority of emails in your inbox are from your bff xxxCIALISxxx.
You have not paid attention since the early 1990s.
You have thick-framed glasses, and a blog where you talk about your thick-framed glasses.
One of your grandchildren had to explain how email works to you.  You're not entirely sure what a computer is, but you know that it helps you 'stay hip.'  Also, your dentures just fell out.  You should probably stick those back in.