A person being in the same orientation group as you, remembering your name, and seeming "nice enough" might seem like good enough reasons to give them your phone number, but by the time you've realized the error of your ways, your phone will be so inundated with "sup?"s, "u eat?"s, and 38-minute-long voicemails about how much sambuca they pretended to drink last night, it wont even be capable of calling the police when the dogged dialer "just happens to be passing by" your dorm room and wants to know why you haven't answered them once since they accidentally sent you that picture that was totally supposed to go to their girlfriend and if you'd be interested in pledging a fraternity with them.

A picture is worth a thousand words, and according to your concerned Aunt Mitzi, none of them are "I'm a responsible human being that was raised properly." You'd think a grown woman would be able to take a joke, or understand that other people can also read what is posted on your Facebook wall, but that won't stop her from writing a concerned family member manifesto. Your newly confirmed friends will find her writing inspired, but the truth is, it's nothing when compared to the essay she scribed when your high school friend, Rich, switched your status to "boobz." The shame of it all is, no matter how many testicles can be seen in the picture, there's nothing more embarrassing than someone thinking you actually had a chance at becoming president.

Love will make you do crazy things, like think "crazy" is a synonym for "annoying." You will end up spending entirely way too much time, money, and effort trying to impress whoever it is that caught your eye. If you do somehow end up succeeding, all other aspects of your life will suffer immensely. Nearly half of all relationships end in respective roommates never wanting to see them again—and after being subjected to all of the pet names, baby talk, and having to wear pants, who can blame them? Heartbreak is tough, but having to eat alone in the dining hall is something you don't come back from.

When you're young, three months might seem like a long time to have known a person. The truth is, you don't really know someone until they have had the opportunity to make a complete and total fool of themselves in front of your family. It doesn't matter if it's making eyes at your younger sister, insulting your racist uncle who definitely had it coming but agreed to drive you back to school, or leaving your toilet with the tricky handle in such an unpleasant state that it reduced your mother, who once worked in an emergency room, to tears, your guest will do something to ruin the holiday. Something no one in your family will ever forget or let you live down, even after the friendship is terminated.