My ex dumped me because "she was getting too clingy."
My girlfriend likes to "fluff" and then go "grazing" on my chest hair.
My girlfriend thought that ultra-violet light was actually called "ultra-violent" light because, well, you know, it gives you sunburns and skin cancer.
My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I had sex with my ex before we started going out.
My boyfriend likes to pluck my eyebrows.
My boyfriend and I will entertain ourselves by having silly talks about how and why we're gonna get divorced in the future.
Gryffindor has finally been awarded 10 points for the very first time!
Every time my husband and I take a shower together he always pretends tries to put his penis in my belly button, he pretends its a hole that we would use for sex. He thinks its hilarious.
I was just in the shower with my girlfriend and she told me my penis reminds her of Dr. Zoidberg.
One night while having sex with my girlfriend, me on top, she farted, let out a tiny laugh, then asked, "Did that tickle your balls?" Chicks, man.
I look forward to my girlfriend's period each month, because she always demands chocolate and makes me eat it with her so she won't, "feel like a fattycakes."
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