After their father dying in a mysterious war, the most important moment in any trainer's life is choosing their first Pokemon. Will they take the seed-shooting Bulbasaur, the water-spouting Squirtle, or the fire-breathing Charmander? Each one brings a different set of advantages and challenges for the road ahead.

In fact, you can learn a lot about a person based on their first Pokemon.

Bulbasaur

Personality: Much like the half-dinosaur/half-plant itself, Bulbasaur trainers are a paradox. They're calm, yet emotional. They're defensive, yet always ready for a fight. They're brave, but stubborn. They drive hybrid cars, but they don't wear seat belts. Of all three trainers, they are the most sensitive and the least predictable. They masturbate a lot.

Work: Bulbasaur trainers are skilled at their jobs, but ask for way too much time off to explore their interests. You might catch them at their desk daydreaming, but they'll always stay late if you ask. Warning: they steal food from the fridge because it's been there forever and they thought no one would mind.

Romance: Don't be insulted when a Bulbasaur trainer asks to split the bill. Splitting things is just who they are. They'll always watch your favorite movie with you, but text through the whole thing and act like it's not a big deal. Of the three, Bulbasaur trainers are the best in bed, but get ready for a whole lot of weeping.