The secret to making an awesome thing even more awesome is to add egg. This rule works with absolutely everything. Cheeseburger: awesome. Cheeseburger + egg: awesomer. Paintball: awesome. Paintball with eggs: awesomer. This is just science. The problem with the omelette pizza, however, is that it might be impossible to make one in which all of the different ingredients are perfectly cooked. But, if we add enough eggs, that problem will probably sort itself out.

The chocolate-dipped ice cream cone was a pretty great invention, but it's old news. It's about time that we had a new option available. Cinnamon sugar deserves the chance to reclaim the junk food prominence it had at the height of the Cinnamon Toast Crunch marketing campaign. We could all use a few more swirls of cinnamon sugar in our lives.

The secret is out. Ketchup/mayo combo is the best condiment. So why are we all still being forced to endure the fat, probably sweaty, shame of having to ask for mayonnaise and then combine it with ketchup on our own? Let's just accept what we are and have pre-mixed ketchup and mayonnaise on every greasy table. And, while we're at it, let's drop this "special sauce" business. It's usually just Ketchonnaise and we all know it.

Every foodsmith worth his weight in saturated fat knows that the best thing you can do to a sandwich is to add a layer of french fries. Let's get a little more ambitious and ditch the bread altogether. Though, in order to make this food dream a reality, we either need to start eating smaller sandwiches, or growing bigger potatoes. Consider this a formal vote for the latter.

Sometimes food mods are a simple matter of finding foods that don't involve cheese and carbohydrates and then surrounding that food with those items. But then there's the cheeseburger. The cheeseburger is already a picture of carby cheese modding. So, should we leave it alone? Of course not. Let's cram some mac and cheese in that sucker. Just pre-cook some macaroni and cheese, then mold your meat patty around a knot of pasta. If you realize you're out of breath by the time you finish, it just means you're ready.