I told my girlfriend she looked like Jessica Alba, thinking it would be a compliment. She said, "Ew, you think I'm ugly?!" She then showed me non-flattering pictures of what Jessica Alba looks like without makeup online.
So I was having a shower with my girlfriend the other day, and right in the middle of the shower a big snot bubble comes out of her nose as she tries to kiss me.
My girlfriend has an iPhone and I always bug her that my phone is better. We were looking at a map on my android phone and I told my girlfriend that it even tells you direction and time for driving and walking. Then she looks at the 4 icons (driving, transit, bike, walking) and says, "What if you were on a motorbike?" I was like o_o?
My boyfriend likes to pretend my nipples are Etch-A-Sketch knobs. He frequently "messes up his picture," shakes my boobs, and starts all over.
When me and my bf got back together, he told me that during the 2 years we were separated every time he masturbated his thoughts were in Spanish (I speak Spanish). It was the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My girlfriend freaks out whenever her belly button gets touched, so whenever she's on top I poke it, and every time I'm rewarded with a slap to the face.
My fiance and I own a guinea pig and he stays at my house, so every time we have sex at my house she makes me put a blanket over his cage saying, "I don't want this to be his first memory!"
No matter where we are, whenever I walk up stairs ahead of my wife, she thinks it's funny to try jamming her fingers into my asshole.
I read last weeks column, and I just have one response for Nathan "bitch beer drinker": Only a real man would admit to drinking girl drinks.
Today I had to explain to my boyfriend what a prostate is. He was thoroughly disgusted.
While listening to the radio, I pointed out to my girlfriend that there had been a lot of Nirvana on the radio recently. She replied with "That's because they won like all the Grammy's last year."
Everytime after me and my wife have sex, I feel the need to shout, "Okay and dismount." She laughs, but it has become a strange habit of ours now
Once, I asked my ex boyfriend to get me tampons along with all our other groceries. When he came back, I looked through all the bags and found a box of depends instead.