Cranberry Sauce Surprise: The only person who actually eats this is that one uncle who totally low-balled your graduation card. He's a legit millionaire and only gave you $10, really? You might be tempted to crush a few laxatives into the sauce for him, but what would work even better is crushing up some of the leftover pain pills from when you got your wisdom teeth out. That way he will begin to spiral into an intense pill addiction, losing his business and trophy wife along the way. Seriously, f*ck that guy.