By Lev Novak
Wikipedia is a free, web-based encyclopedia with 15 million articles (over 3.3 million in English). These articles are available for free, and in addition are communal, accurate and show no bias. Wikipedia was founded by Internet entrepreneur Jimmy Wales.
(Picture of Wikipedia logo: caption: Wikipedia)
Paper is a thin material mainly used for writing upon, printing upon or for packaging. It is also notable for its thin, fragile texture and its high level of flammability. Once burned, paper turns to ash and disappears forever. Paper is also used to produce books.
Picture of paper: The versatille and flammable paper.
A Textbook is a manual of instruction in any branch of study in a particular course for scholarly endeavors. Often you will be required to purchase the textbook for the course. Purchase. Well, that’s certainly one way of doing it, I guess.
Picture of textbook with caption: A book that costs, like, $90.
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A newspaper is a regularly scheduled publication-oh, I’m sorry, did I say “is”? I meant “was”. Boom. Yeah, what you going to do about it, Newspapers? Bring out the Newsies on us?
Picture of fossils: caption: Don’t worry; we’ll report your demise for you.
See also: The Dodo
In education, a teacher is a person who won’t let you cite Wikipedia for your paper. That’s a mistake, but hey, everyone makes mistakes. They’re only human. Fleshy, puny humans.
Picture of a fat person, caption: “Be sure to ask your teacher how his band worked out”
A printing press is a mechanical device for applying pressure to an inked surface resting upon a print medium. Man, isn’t it silly what people had to use before Wikipedia?
(Picture of printing press with caption: Now available to see in all the finest museums)
An encyclopedia (also spelled encyclopaedia or encyclopædia) is crap. Just total crap? Ooh, real impressive, encyclopedias. Three whole editors. And paper. Wowwww. Great retro feel, encyclopedia. You know what else is retro? Racism. Print Encyclopedia’s are racist. (Citation Needed)
Picture of Encyclopedia with caption: “we’re on to you, Britanica.
The Amazon Kindle isn’t scaring anyone books. You’ll still burn somehow.