I: Italy, 1474 AD

Me: Wow, Leonardo Da Vinci!

Leonardo Da Vinci: Yes, it is I.

Me: You rule! I come from the future, and in my time, you are known as a majestic artist!

Leonardo Da Vinci: Amazing! Tell me, what's my greatest accomplishment?

Me: …

Leonardo Da Vinci: Are you serious, kid?

Me: The…statue. The naked one.

Leonardo Da Vinci: Yeah, that narrows it down. Prick.

Me: I liked you better as a ninja-turtle.

II Boston, 2034

Me: What…what happened to you?

Older Me: Lupus.

Me: Space-Lupus!?!?

Older Me: No.

III: England, 1200 AD

Me: Peasants! I come from…the future!

Peasant: Huh?

Me: Oh. It's…hey, are you guys good with abstract notions of time?

Peasant: Do you have bread?

Me: No.

Peasant: I am so hungry.

IV: Washington D.C, 1971

Me: End the war in Vietnam!

Guy: Hippie.

Me: No, see you don't understand: I am uniquely special and all-knowing because I came here on a magic journey from the future where the president is Black.

Guy: You're high.

Me: Barely.

V: Detroit, 1908

Me: I am from the future! And I am here to share all my knowledge of the marvelous horseless carriage!

Ford: That's amazing! Like what?

Me: They…they go really fast! Man, cars in the future are great.

Ford: Listen: even just the most basic explanation would be helpful. Like, anything about the pistons, gears, engines you could tell me would be great.

Me: They…they run on gasoline.

Ford: Okay. How? What kind of gasoline? How is it made?

Me: The…the normal way.

Ford: …

Me: Hey, good luck with cars.

Ford: So you just came here to taunt me, future-man?

Me: Whelp, gotta go.


Ford: Freakin' Jews…