Hey there, Ladies!

Manslation: The Three Most Confusing Male Text Messages Decoded - Image 1
Ever wish you had a full-time translator for your man's mysterious, cryptic text messages?! Sometimes it's enough to make you beat your head against a wall! If you're like me, you're sick to death of missing work, school, and funerals just to have time to correctly psychoanalyze the maddeningly elusive verbiage served up by the males of our species these days!! Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like men are going to just start saying what they mean (imagine that!) anytime soon, but below I've decoded the three most commonly misunderstood text messages we ladies are apt to receive from our international men of mystery! Hope this helps, gal pals!

#1: The Introduction:

What He Says: "Hey girl, sup?"

Manslation: "I'm in love with you."

How You Should Respond: "I wish we could live in one body together so our thoughts were never hidden from each other. I love you, too."

Decoded: Sometimes, when a man is having a hard time being vulnerable and admitting to you that he is head-over-heels, crazy in love with you, he'll cover it up by using some form of a casual greeting instead. A man who is simply trying to communicate a standard salutation will simply say "hello." A man who's using pet names like "girl" and playful, flirty language like "sup" is trying to communicate something much, much deeper. It is important to recognize this, because if you respond by simply telling him what you are currently doing, he might think that you don't understand his communication style, or that you don't feel as strongly for him as he does for you. This will only cause him to retreat further into his shell of masculine pride. What you need to do is show him you understand what he is really trying to say and validate his feelings in a thoughtful, meaningful way so that there are no barriers to true intimacy between you.

#2 The Invitation:

What He Says: "I'm doing some shit right now. U wanna come over later tho?"

Manslation: "I wish we were living together."

How You Should Respond: "YES!! I thought you'd never ask!! I'll bring my shower caddy and tampons this time :)"

Decoded: When a man asks you to come over to his house later, it's usually because he wants to spend time with you, and he wants to do it later. But if you dig a little deeper, it becomes clear that what he really wants to do is move in together. Let me explain. If he weren't serious about you, he would simply ask you to come over now, because he's willing to divide his attention between you and whatever else he has going on at the moment. If he's willing to wait until later on to spend time with you, it's because he doesn't want any distractions that would prevent him from hanging on your every word. If a man is that committed to focusing solely on you and the relationship, he is almost always secretly wishing that you lived together. However, men like to be the ones to make the important proposals, so have a little fun and be coy! In your response, don't mention anything about the big move; simply let him know that you are just as eager to see him as he is to see you, and subtly hint that you are also in a cohabitating state of mind!

#3: The Next-Morning Inquiry:

What He Says: "Hey, did I leave my watch over there? I mean, I'd just leave it, but it's my dad's."

Manslation: "Please don't make me wait one more second to see you again."

How You Should Respond: "Yeah, you did. You can get it back tonight at the romantic carriage ride downtown that I just booked us !! :)"

Decoded: This is the oldest trick in the book. After a passionate night of boot-knocking, your man hurries out the door without saying goodbye in an adorable (if transparent) attempt at hard-to-get. Conveniently, though, he's left one of his personal belongings on your dresser, so that a couple of hours later he has an excuse to return to your place and ask if you'll be his partner on a mission to break the Guiness world-record for most hours spent cuddling! I know it's tempting to call him out on his silly game-playing, but remember, he wouldn't be playing these silly games in the first place if he felt secure in your love for him! Why not show him that his affections are mutual by taking the time to make some special plans for the two of you later that night? It will bring you closer together as a couple and provide an opportunity for him to retrieve whatever item he "forgot" :)

So there you have it, ladies! I can't help you with the rest of the myriad confusing texts fellas might send you, but you can stop hosting consultative lunches with your girlfriends over those three! And just remember that should you use any of the responses I recommended here and your honey doesn't answer you for some reason, it's only because he's trying desperately to hide the vast ocean of feelings he has for you. He'll come back, and don't be surprised if he's absolutely shitfaced when he does—unfortunately, most men need to be good and liquored up to act on their true emotions. Just keep fighting the good fight, ladies, and eventually your beaux will feel comfortable enough with you to stop playing games (or leaving watches)!!