I heard something I had to run by you. A fairly average looking girl, when prodded by a guy to make out with her fairly average looking female friend, said the following:
"Ew, no! I would only dyke out if it were like Angelina Jolie."
Oh really? Is that when? Because that's about to happen. Angelina Jolie is about to stroll in to a college bar at 1AM on a Tuesday, and be memorized by your pink tube top and black pants. The girl from Tomb Raider is going to forget that she just starred in a flick with Jude Law and Gwyneth Paltrow and decide to go slumming with a five who's pushing maximum density. In other words, let me say this: Angelina Jolie is never going to make out with you. Hell, I'm not even going to make out with you.
First, she's famous. Second, she's rich. Third, and most importantly, she's a hot girl. Many average guys can't get the attention of hot girls- and it's not because they're average guys. It's because they're chasing hot girls. When you replace the guy in the equation with the drunk girl in your Lit class, nothing changes. Hot girls still reject people. Especially girls who use the expression, "dyke out."
Living in Los Angeles these last few months, I've had a chance to study the habits of attractive women. From the other side of the bar. LA women, for the most part, are women who know they're attractive. Most careers out here have to do with looking good, so these are the kind of women who can just walk down the street saying, "I'm hot I'm hot I'm hot I'm hot I'm hot." In Kansas if a girl is hot, she might not know it. She might be shelving oven mitts at a Walmart, and just coincidentally be hot. Being hot is not on her resume. If being hot mattered at Walmart, the greeters wouldn't need protective headgear.
The point is that hot women, especially hot LA women, know it. And when they know it, they decide who they'll be with and when. To them, life is a bonus round on Supermarket Sweep. They can pick up whatever they want, put it in their little shopping cart of life, and breeze through the express lane. Hell, they can breeze through any lane. We'll get out of the way for them.
Angelina Jolie, is the hottest of hot. There may be hotter girls out there, but Angelina knows that she is definitely hot more than any of them I'm sure she's heard by now. I just get this nagging feeling that she's out partying with other rich beautiful people, many of who still won't get to make out with her.
The thought that this girl considered making out with Angelina Jolie an option is insane. Tube top girl, if you're reading this and you ever get asked to make out with a girl again, just say, "no, I don't make out with girls." Throwing Angelina in as a caveat is like saying, "I'm don't ski, except when the mountain is made of leprechauns and fairy dust!"
And the best part is, that is more likely to happen.
1. Our friends at Topic Magazine are doing a feature on dumb laws. There's a list of them here. If you live in one of the states or countries mentioned and want to take a photo of you/your friends breaking the laws, send the photo to firstname.lastname@example.org. It may appear in their international magazine and we'll feature some on CH as well.
2. Aaron Karo has a new column out today so be sure to check that out.
3. Hey, has anyone around here seen any hotlinks?