Once a year, everybody here at the CollegeHumor place (we all live in an abandoned firehouse) writes down our resolutions for the upcoming year. This year, we decided to do it at New Year's.

One of my resolutions that I decided against was trying to be a talking head on a VH1 countdown show and for every person on the countdown say "And that's why X is X!" For example, for Paris Hilton- "And that's why Paris Hilton is Paris Hilton." Or for, let's say, William Hung- "And that's why William Hung is William Hung." And then of course have them use every clip.

Anyway, without further ado, here are our resolutions. I put mine first because I can.

Ricky Van Veen2005 is going to be the year I finally single-handedly revive the use of the words "fox" and "dog" to describe attractive and unattractive women, respectively.
Amir BlumenfeldMy New Years resolution is 800×600. Also I'm a computer nerd.
Dan LevyJoin a gym that allows Jews.
Bruce NollMake more of my own jewelry.
Ethan DoughertyLaugh with, not at, orphans.
Josh JacobsIn the same day tip a waitress, a pizza guy, and a cow
Steve HofstetterI gave up making New Year's Resolutions for lent.
Lauren HerskovicRid the world of that evil Ugg/Short Skirt combination
Mindy RafStop making Herpes a scapegoat for my fear of intimacy
Christian FinneganI resolve to grow three inches of excess cock. You know, for parties.
Bobby OerzenStop accidently deleting e-mails from my mom with the subject: "Want a bigger penis? Guaranteed stronger penis in 2 weeks!"
Jakob LodwickFor 2005, I resolve to stop being misleading with girls. A lot of my girl problems stem from not being totally honest. For example, sometimes I will tell a girl that I didn't have sex with someone else right before coming to her apartment, when really I'd just finished pounding some other girl and the condom broke but I kept going anyway. In some ways, I feel that behavior is misleading.
Shallon LesterRedouble efforts to hook up with actor from Harry Potter ("Mrs. That Kid From The Movie" has such a nice ring to it)
Neil Janowitz"Stop telling middle school girls that I'm 'College Humor's Streeter Seidell' just so I can get into their pants."

Well wasn't that fun. To see other resolutions (some more way good ones!), go right here. This update has been brought to you by The Online Poker Tour, so muchas gracias to them. Have a wonderful New Years everybody.